Page 77 of In the Stars

“Ready, baby?” Jaxon asks me in a low voice.

My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth, so I simply nod. He places a hand on my lower back and nudges me forward. With him beside me, I put one foot in front of the other, taking the stairs of the porch on shaky legs. He opens the door, and I’m relieved that the place is empty. Jaxon told me last week he’d get someone over to remove everything, but I completely forgot until now.

I’m glad. There is nothing for my eyes to snag on to be plagued by shitty memories. All I see is a house, four walls, and shitty wallpaper. Unspeakable things happened to me here, but I’m able to put it out of my mind because none of my surroundings mean anything to me.

Holding out my hands, I motion for Jaxon to pass me the box with Suzette inside.

“I’m right here with you,” he whispers when he hands it off. He takes a step back and allows me to do whatever I need.

Blowing out a long breath, I open the box and lift thebag with her ashes in it out. I let the box drop and kick it away.

I reach into my pocket, pull out my knife and flick it open. As I drag it across the cellophane bag, I say, “You deserve less than what you’re getting.” Suzette can’t hear me, but I have to say this. I have to get it off my chest, even if she never faces the knowledge of how much she fucked me up. “You were a shit mother, and if I believed in it, I’d hope you were fucking roasting in hell.”

With that, I dump her ashes on the ground and avoid getting any on my boots. I don’t want to carry any bit of her out of here. As one last parting gift, I spit on the ground beside where I dumped her. “Fuck you, Suzette.”

Jaxon wraps his arm around me and draws me into his side. “Anything else you need to do?”

“No. That’s it. I’m done here.” Without a backward glance, we leave and walk down to my family.

Not even a minute later, the demolition crew comes to take care of the house. First, we sign autographs for them.

We step back behind the line they designated for us and face the house. Jaxon slides his hand into mine and holds on tight. If he weren’t there, I would probably collapse into a puddle of tears.

“I’m here,” he whispers as if reading my mind. Bob grabs my other hand, and I smile over at him, the father I needed when mine was searching for me. I don’t even pull away from him, too wrapped up in the enormity of the moment.

Slowly, everyone I love places a hand on me, grounding me in the present, letting me know they’re all here for me. Even my past demons won’t let me recoil from their comfort.

As the crew knocks down walls and tears up the foundation, a torrent of tears leak from my eyes. But I don’t sob. I just let the tears cleanse me further, unleashing that last fragment of pain that was latched on to me while this structure still stood.

After the house is laid low, the sections in one pile of rubble, the crew picks up the pieces and drops them in a large container. We stand and watch through the entire process, not missing a beat.

No one complains, no one speaks, and no one moves until I do.

When the last bit of debris is cleared and the crew moves dirt to cover the holes in the ground where the foundation was, I let go of Bob and Jaxon’s hands, dropping to my knees as I look at the clear space in front of me.

No more will I have to see the place that was a prison for me as a child. No more will I be haunted by the memories of my abuse. No more will I have to worry about how to dispose of Suzette. It’s over. It’s all over.

Jaxon lowers himself in front of me, framing my face and kissing my forehead. “You did so good, baby. So good. I’m so proud of you.”

I look up at him through the last bit of tears I’ll ever shed for this place, and I smile at him. “I love you so much, Jaxon.”

“Not as much as I love you.”

My soul feels light as I get to my feet and hug the people I love. They all whisper words of support to me, and I know they mean it.

I may have had a fucked up life and been a shitty person, but I managed to find people who love and support me. That’s fucking priceless.

I’ll never take them for granted.

On the ride back to my house, I feel like everything in my life is settled, as it should be…except one thing.

To really live my life how I want, I have to reach out to Tech and make amends.

Then I can start living.

TWENTY-EIGHT

WESLEY

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