Page 78 of In the Stars

Music blareson the other side of the hotel room door, and I have the nagging feeling I should turn around and come back when I have someone else with me. But I’m not a bitch. I can face Tech on my own.

After we demolished the house, I told Mitch and Kas I needed to make amends with Tech. According to them, he tried to sign a deal with the label after we went on hiatus, but they didn’t think his voice was strong enough to carry a solo career. They needed Mitch and Kas to round out his sound, and my friends weren’t having it, so the deal fell through.

That’s not something I have to make amends for, since I didn’t tell my friends to come to that decision, but I figure I could cover it while I’m apologizing.

He pulls the door open, his bloodshot eyes narrowing as he looks at me. I’m not sure why he’s pissed off—heinvitedmehere.

“Hey,” I say, raising a sweaty hand to wave at himawkwardly.

Tech pokes his head in the hallway, glancing left and right, then back at me. “You alone? No Mitch or Kas?”

“Nah. Just me.” I push a hand through my hair, not sure why a lead ball is resting in my belly. “I wanted to talk to you by myself.”

He grunts and steps back, allowing me to enter.

The hotel room is a mess. Clothes are strewn about, both men’s and women’s attire. Empty alcohol bottles are everywhere, some turned over and others lining the wall like trophies.

Tech follows my gaze, and a glint enters his eyes, but it disappears as if it was never there. “Sit down. Say what you need to say so I can get some sleep.”

I take a seat on the couch after I push off the trash and women’s underwear.

Tech told me he was in Seattle for a gig for a few days and I could talk to him before he flew out. I didn’t want the opportunity to pass me by while he was so close, so I said I’d drive up the following afternoon. I didn’t expect him to be high or hungover.

Sweat dots my brow as I stare at the empty liquor bottles. The need to get drunk almost overwhelms me. I’m not sure I’ll be able to get through my apology before I have to bolt.

I haven’t been around drugs and alcohol like this since before I went into rehab.

But I can’t expect everyone to tiptoe around my recovery. My friends and Jaxon do it because they want to, not because they’re forced to. Tech doesn’t like me, so I can’t expect him to change shit up just because I’m an addict.

Tech looks me up and down, a tight smirk on his lips. “Can’t say I thought I’d see the day where you were clean. You look like a person now, not a walking fucking skeleton.”

I clench my fists on my lap but don’t let my irritation show. “I’m trying to make it. Eating every day instead of supplementing my diet with booze and pills helps me keep on weight.” I glance around again, hoping I can figure out how to start this conversation.

Making amends with Jaxon, Mitch, Kas, and Zed was easy because I like them. Even when I hated Jaxon, I knew deep down I shouldn’t. With Tech? Fuck this guy. I’ve never liked him, and it had more to do with his attitude than with him replacing Vic. He’s always been a dick, not really meshing with us anywhere but on the stage.

That doesn’t mean I had to treat him like shit when I was polluted out of my mind. I owe him an apology for that, then I can wash my hands of him.

“What gig were you playing?” I ask, trying to make conversation before I have to swallow my pride.

“A club here wanted to hear some of my original songs. Nothing as big as our concerts, that’s for sure.”

“About that,” I say, rubbing the back of my neck. “I’m sorry about…everything.”

“Everything?” he asks with a smirk on his face.

A flash of anger washes over me, but I tamp it down. I knew he wouldn’t let me get away with glossing over all I’d done, but I wish my amends could be that easy. The longer I stay in this room, the worse the panic gets, the more my palms sweat, and the more my head swims.

Sighing imperceptibly, I say, “For what happened before I embarrassed myself in front of the entire world.” I chuckle uncomfortably, ignoring the sweat dripping down my spine. “I shouldn’t have hit you. And I shouldn’t have kicked you out of the band. I can blame the drugs and shit, but I knew better. You don’t have to forgive me, that’s notwhat this is about. I’m taking responsibility for my actions and offering an apology.”

“So you can absolve yourself of any wrongdoing?”

I shake my head slowly. “Not that either. I’m not looking for absolution. Just owning what I did. I fucked up. Iwasa fuck up. I’m not sure what I would have been like if I didn’t get high all the time, but being sober showed me I was a fucking nightmare. I should have been better.”

Tech shrugs. “It is what it is. You kicking me out of the band was fucked up, but I landed on my feet. I have a few bands that are interested, and after they saw my shit with Lana’s Mischief, they’re more inclined to take me on.”

“That’s good,” I say, not sure if I’m happy for him because I genuinely mean it or because me kicking him out of the band didn’t place him in a terrible situation.

I rub my sweaty hands on my pants, trying to dry them. “I hope there are no hard feelings between us, but if there are, I really am sorry about the fucked up shit I did.”

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