Page 88 of Matched Up

I hung up the phone and Niall stared at me, waiting to be filled in.

‘Can you drive me to the hospital?’I asked him.

‘Shit, what happened?’

‘Something to do with his dad.He sounded really weird.’My eyes welled thinking about the pain in his voice and the growing fear in my gut.

I tied my hair up in a high ponytail and didn’t bother putting on any make-up.

‘Mum, I’m just going out with Niall,’ I said, when I made it downstairs.

She studied my face.‘Lexie, are you OK?Did something happen?’

‘I’m fine.I just need to meet a friend,’ I said.‘I’ll tell you everything later, I promise.’

She just nodded and opened the door for me.

Niall drove quickly to the hospital.‘Give me a call when you’re done.’

‘Thanks,’ I said, then reached over and hugged him.It had been years since I’d hugged Niall, but I was so thankful for everything.How he’d helped with the recovery, how he’d gone back to being the Niall I knew and loved.

‘Do you want me to come in?’Niall asked, concern on his face.

I shook my head.‘Thanks, but I’ll be fine.’

I got out of the car and made my way through the hospital,up the escalator, into the lift and looked for the cafe.I didn’t have to look too hard.He was sitting in the window, his Adidas jacket zipped right up to his chin, staring into the cup his hands were clasped round.I could barely breathe.

‘Shane,’ I said.

He looked up and his face was as blotchy as mine.

I sat beside him, and he looked at my crutches.

‘What happened?’He looked horrified.

I shook my head.‘I’m fine.I’ll tell you later.What’s happened toyou?’

‘My dad.He had a fall.I wasn’t there.It was my fault.’

‘Your dad?What was your fault?Why?’I lifted the cup from his hands and took them in mine instead.He turned to look at me and my heart ached.He looked so broken.

‘I never told you.That was the thing I couldn’t tell you.’

‘Told me what?’

He inhaled.‘Dad, he can’t walk.He had an accident when I was wee, about seven or something.He’s a quadriplegic.Me and my mum, we’re kind of like his carers.’He took his hand away and pushed it through his hair, hard.‘I mean, sort of.We do the best we can.And Mum never wanted to ask anyone else for help, so we didn’t.And then I met you and, Lexie, you were like a drug, and I became so selfish.Like I spent so much time with you when I should have been at home, but I couldn’t help it.I loved it.I loved you.’He looked like he was going to cry again.

‘Oh, Shane.I’m sorry it was so hard to tell me,’ I said, emotions forcing their way to the surface again.The story of my life.I wished right then I was better, that I was warmand open, so that everyone could just tell me whatever they wanted.I wished I didn’t have this stupid wall that people found impossible to break through.I inhaled, trying to steady my emotions.This wasn’t about me.‘I wish you’d felt like you could tell me.’

He shook his head.‘It’s not your fault.The way you talked about my dad, the way your face lit up when I told you all that great stuff about him, I wanted him to have that.I wanted someone else to think of him the same way I did.He’s class, he really is.And I should have been there,’ he said, ‘but I was at Ferndale, talking to Raj at training, and I stayed late, and I even told Raj it was OK, that Mum was there, but I knew she had to leave to go to work.I was supposed to be back.Stupid.So stupid.I should have been there.’He shook his head.

‘Oh, Shane.’I squeezed his hand and just let him talk in rapid emotional bursts.

‘If I’d been there, it wouldn’t have happened, he wouldn’t have hit his head.’

‘It’s just you and your mum?’I asked gently.

He cried then.He let go of my hand and shoved his hands into his eye sockets.I put my hand on his hair, stroking it, knowing that there was nothing I could say to make anything better.

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