Page 89 of Matched Up

‘Will he be OK?’I asked, terrified of the answer.

‘They think so.It’s just so much more complicated because of his condition.’

‘Of course,’ I said.

I felt ridiculous then, selfish and stupid.Here was Shanedealing with all of this, and I had been moaning about not being able to play football for a while.I disgusted myself.But maybe I could help him.I noticed as soon as I got there, his haunted eyes softened slightly, like a weight had been lifted.

‘I should have told you,’ Shane said.‘It was never that I thought you wouldn’t understand.I was just enjoying being a normal teenager for once.And you were so focused on your football.I didn’t want to give you any other distractions.’

Is that how it had looked to him?

‘But I knew, that night at your house, and at the funfair, when you let yourself relax, that you had that easy side too, and I meant it when I said I loved you.You made me so happy, Lexie.That night at your house?Best night of my life.It’s just been so hard the last few years with school and everything, and nobody really seems to understand.It felt easier to keep it to myself, instead of putting it all on somebody else.I thought I was helping you.’

I shook my head.‘How could it help me?I love you, Shane.’

He looked like he was going to cry again so I leaned into him, and we hugged, with my head in his neck, filling my lungs with his scent, and desperately thinking of anything to make him feel better.

‘I love you too,’ he whispered.

‘And that kiss.I didn’t kiss him.I wouldn’t.I would never …’ I pulled away so he could see my face and how much I meant it.

‘I know,’ he said.‘When I calmed down and thought about it, it didn’t really make any sense.’

‘No sense,’ I agreed.

‘But what happened to you?’He moved his chair back so he could get a good look at my leg.

‘Tore my calf, like, pretty badly,’ I said.

‘Jesus, Lexie.’He leaned down and stroked my leg.‘That must have been so sore.’

‘It was.But I’m OK.’

‘And when can you play again?’He looked at me with so much worry that the gravity of my injury faded.Like I could see beyond myself and how it was just an injury that would get better; not like his dad who had to live with a disability for the rest of his life.

‘Not for a while,’ I said with a shrug.

It hurt to say it, but not as much.

‘Oh, Lexie,’ he said, knowing what that meant.

‘I don’t know who I am without football,’ I said sadly.

‘Football is the least interesting part of who you are,’ he said without hesitation.‘You’re clever and funny, and I know it might sound like a lie, but I’ve never told anybody else all the things I told you.Like about Dad’s depression and how I’m not that into football.You’re so much more than football, Lexie.’He twisted his fingers through mine and stared right into my soul.

When I didn’t know what to say, he continued.‘Would you ever think of joining Ferndale United with me?’He looked at me, gauging my reaction.

I cocked my head in thought.I’d never have considered it before.Westing was all I wanted.Westing was what Ineeded.But what if he was right?Maybe football wasn’t allI was?I thought about the times I’d left a match upset, left training upset, the hours I’d spent planning how to get on to the team.I wouldn’t have to do that at Ferndale.They were in a division way below Westing, and I don’t know, maybe it could be fun?

‘I’ll definitely think about it,’ I said.

‘Yeah?’he asked.And to see him light up a bit, through his despair, gave me hope.Maybe it wasn’t any of the other stuff that mattered, but this – these moments that made us laugh and cry and hold each other when nobody else would do.Because being here right now, as a crutch for Shane, felt better than any award I’d ever won or any compliment on my football skills.And that thought was mind-blowing.

‘Can I meet him?’I asked.‘I mean, not now or anything, but some time when he’s feeling better?’

‘Yeah, I think he’d like that,’ said Shane.‘He keeps asking about you.’

I felt a rush of love when I realized that meant he’d told his parents about me.

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