Page 59 of Whatever You Need

It took a minute for everything to sink in. I was trying really hard not to freak out, but that lasted all of sixty seconds before I flew off the chair. “I’m sorry, did I miss the part where you were raised in a foreign country or something? Because I don’t know,” I threw my hands out, “last I checked you lived in the good ole US of A where you married whoever the hell you wanted.”

“I have a choice. No one is forcing me to do anything.”

I looked at her like she had lost her mind. I stared at her, trying to hold in my shock and anger. There were so many thoughts and emotions flowing through my brain that it was impossible to think straight. I’ve dealt with a lot of fucked-up shit in my profession, but this… this was unreal. And the fact that it was personal and I let my guard down made it ten times worse.

“So, let me get this straight. You knew from the very beginning that this was only temporary? The entire time we spent together you thought it would be best to lie to me?”

There was always a feeling in my gut telling me she was hiding something, but I rationalized it away instead of confronting her. I was a cop and I let myself get distracted. I worked off of intuition, so maybe I shouldn’t put all the blame on her. I should have seen the signs. Maybe if I was thinking with my big head instead of my little one, I wouldn’t be so blindsided.

“Technically, I never lied to you, Marco.” My name was a plea on her lips, she was practically begging for my understanding or forgiveness, I couldn’t tell which one, and I was too exasperated to care. “I can’t tell you how much I agonized over this. There were plenty of times where I wanted to tell you, but I got scared.”

I swallowed hard, wishing my voice didn’t sound as lethal as it did, but I didn’t have the energy to try to control it. “A lie of omission is still a lie. I warned you. I told you what I needed from you. At least I thought I did. You knew my hesitation on starting a relationship, and here we fucking are. You’ve had weeks to tell me. You didn’t do that though, did you?” I stepped forward, refusing to let her look away from me. “You lied to me. You let me develop feelings for you. All the while, you’ve kept your little marriage secret to yourself. Are you fucking him too?”

She shook her head. “Of course not. There is nothing romantic about this arrangement. Owen and I are not a couple.”

“Yet,” I added, because according to her there was a piece of paper that was going to change that.

“I deserve your anger, and I’m sorry.” Her voice was heavy with regret. “If I could go back and tell you sooner, I would.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“Because you deserve to know the truth.”

“Then why the fuck did you wait so damn long?”

“Because things have been going so good between us, and I didn’t want to ruin that. I was afraid of how you would react.”

I was so caught off guard that I couldn’t even process anything other than my own outrage. “Is this what you want?”

Please say no. Please say no.

My eyes held hers for a second; this was fucked up in so many ways. Every part of me was begging her to tell me she wouldn’t go through with it. Not in a million years did I imagine this conversation happening when she asked me to sit down a few minutes ago. How did we go from blissfully happy to fucked up so quickly?

“No, I don’t want this marriage. I want my job, but this isn’t just about me. This is a complicated situation with a lot of moving parts.”

This was such bullshit, and to add insult to my already open wound, she had the nerve to act like she was a victim.

I could see the hurt in her eyes, hear it in her voice, but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do with it. How was I supposed to feel? Because right now, I could barely stomach to look at her.

“Why the hell did you agree to that?”

“I agreed to it before we met, but I never anticipated falling in love with you. It was never part of the rules.”

“Don’t you dare,” I bit out. She was tearing my heart into a million pieces. She might as well have struck my chest with a knife. How dare she throw the rules we discussed on our first date, like they were still applicable.

“Marco, please.” Tears slipped from her eyes, but my body was numb. So damn numb. I couldn’t believe this was happening. She just dumped a fucking grenade in my life. Every doubt and insecurity I had packed away started revealing themselves again. “Let’s talk this out. I know you’re upset, but we can figure this out. I can’t lose you. I just can’t. Just the thought of it hurts.”

My eyes narrowed. “Are you backing out of the deal?” She stayed silent, and every second that ticked by felt like hours. The longer we sat there, the more I questioned everything. When she took too long to respond, I knew I had my answer. “Then we have nothing to figure out.”

Her face fell. “What do you want me to do? I’ve worked hard my entire life to get to this point.” She looked off to the side. “Up until I met you, my career is all I ever wanted. Now, for the first time in my life, I’m not sure what I want anymore.”

Pain and anger tangled inside of me. “You’re not sure if you want me? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Marco, I’m confused. I didn’t expect to feel this strongly about us. But unless you can tell me that you see a future with me, I’m not sure I can just walk away from my obligations. If I don’t sign that contract, I could lose everything.”

“You expect sympathy from me?”

“No. I want a commitment from you,” she shouted in frustration.

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