Page 36 of Hard To Leave

“Brogan could never hate you, Chloe, because the truth is that he’s still in love with you.”

My head snapped to hers. “What did you just say?”

“He said he always regretted what happened and that if he could go back and change things, he would.”

I brought my hand to my neck, feeling a familiar ache in my throat. I shook my head in denial. “No, he doesn’t love me. He’s engaged to that supermodel, what’s her name…” I snapped my fingers. “Selena Stapleton. That’s who he loves. Not me.”

It’s been years since I’d seen him, but I’ll never forget the day I saw the engagement article from TMZ online announcing Brogan-Lena. They were the next up-and-coming super couple. I felt wounded. I don’t know if I would call it jealousy—maybe more like sadness—but still, I knew that I had no reason to feel that way. Not one. Sure, it hurt seeing my ex with someone else, and I was furious with myself for even feeling hurt, to begin with. I hurt for the young girl who felt forced to make a decision and raise a child on her own. I felt sad for the man who was denied the chance to be a father because of the way he lived his life. And I was furious that he was able to find love again when I was still all alone raising our child.

She placed her hand on my bouncing knee while my thoughts ran wild. I was all over the place. “He told me you were unfinished business for him.”

I shook my head and plugged my ears. “No, no, no.” I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t want to hear any more of this nonsense. It’s been almost eight years; I’ve moved on. We loved, we tried, and we failed. The end. He doesn’t get to say those things.

He doesn’t get to come back after all this time and tell her how he’s all better. That he’s a changed man now. It’s been eight years. He can’t possibly still love me. He doesn’t even know me anymore.

She ran her hand along her hair and straightened her ponytail out on the end. “We’ve been over this a dozen times. I know you don’t listen to his music, but almost all of his songs are about you.”

“Did he tell you that?’

She sighed, and I was getting pissed. “He didn’t have to. I know about your history because I was there. Listening to his songs is almost like traveling back into the past. Why is it so hard to believe that he could still have feelings for you?”

“Because,” I sputtered, “we’re different people now. We’ve both moved on. For the first time in years, I feel happy. You out of all people know how long it took me to get here. I know everything with Jack is still new, but I care about him a lot.”

What would Jack do if he found out? It was bad enough that I lied about not knowing who Tanner’s dad was, much less have it turn out that he’s probably seen pictures and heard of his songs. His trust in me would be destroyed. Would he even want anything to do with me after that? My heart broke a little at that thought. And oh my God, what would this do to poor Tanner?

“You know that I’m happy that you were able to find someone again after all this time, and I know the timing of all this sucks. But as your friend, I’m telling you to give this some serious thought. Think about Tanner and what’s best for him.”

I glared at my best friend. “Just because you had a nice, little sit-down with an old friend, doesn’t change the fact that I don’t trust him.”

It shouldn’t have surprised me that she was going soft on Brogan. They always got along really well. Carly was one of the few friends of mine that he actually liked. In fact, I think her heart broke almost as much as mine did when we ended things.

Her brows furrowed. “I know this sounds like I’m sympathizing with Brogan, but I know you, and there is no way I could keep this from you. I’m not going to tell you what to do, but I think you should consider all your options.”

“He could have a relapse. Celebrities are famous for them.” It was a selfish thing to say and wasn’t even my biggest fear. Brogan had power and money, and that scared me more than anything. He was also irrational and prone to make impulsive decisions. “And let’s face the facts,” I choked out, feeling the tears burn the back of my throat. “There’s a good chance that telling him now could cost me my son!”

“You don’t know that, but okay.” She held her hands up in defeat. “One last question and then I’m dropping the subject.”

“What’s the question?” I asked, clearing my throat and wiping my eyes. I was feeling confused, guilty, and exasperated. I wasn’t sure which emotion I was supposed to give in to. It was as if they were all fighting for space. My heart was telling me one thing, and my head was telling me another. In short, I was a giant mess of emotions.

“Would you be open to talking to him? Not about Tanner, but just talking. He gave me his email and cell number. He wanted me to pass them along to you.”

I blew out a deep breath and threw my head back. I was in a no- win situation. I was so sick and tired of thinking and talking about this. As curious as I was, and as much as I wanted to see him, I wasn’t sure I was strong enough. I didn’t think I was capable of making that decision just yet. There were too many questions that he would want answers to. There was too much risk involved, and I’m not sure it would be a good idea.

I looked over at the picture of Tanner sitting on the end table. He looked just like his dad. The resemblance was so strong it had my heart beating with a thousand different emotions. “I don’t know, Carly. I need time to wrap my head around all this.”

Even though I acted in the best interest of our child at the time, I knew he wouldn’t see it that way. There was no way to tell him the truth without hurting him.

I wiped my face as Carly reached inside her purse and handed me a tissue. “Just think about it. I’ll support you no matter what you decide.” She patted my knee and stood up.

“I’ll give it some thought,” I told her as she walked to the door.

She rested her hand on the doorknob. “I’m just a phone call away if you need to talk.”

“I know. Drive safe,” I said before slumping back into the couch. Once I heard her car pull away, I dragged myself into my bedroom and stared at the ceiling fan. The tears that had been flowing all night were burning my eyes.

There was no way I was going to fall asleep.

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