Page 82 of Heart Sick Hate

“No.” Crew starts fucking me with his fingers again, and I grab his wrist, teetering on the line between making him stop and forcing him to keep going.

I need him as much as I hate that I do.

“I’m not going to be your weapon. I’m not your excuse. Tell me the truth.” He doesn’t let up and I’m shaking. He’s ruptured every wall I’ve built and burst through.

“Because your dad saved my father’s life.” I’m nearly yelling, so close to coming I can’t handle it.

Crew pulls his hand away, and I slump in my seat while he grips my thigh again.

“Explain.”

“When my dad found me, he was dying.” I fight back the emotions that threaten to spill out with the reminder. “He needed a heart, but he was at the bottom of the list. Or so far down he’d never live to get one. Doesn’t really matter. Technicalities.”

Crew glances over at me. The setting sun shading his features.

“Your dad found out somehow and came to him with an offer. He’d help him get his heart if my dad did something for him in return. Rhett was looking for a mentor, and my dad could be that to him.”

“So he made a deal with the devil?” Crew’s gaze narrows.

“No one wants to die.”

Crew nods, listening intently, but keeping his grip on my thigh and his eyes on the road. “What does this have to do with you?”

“You know how it works in that world, Crew. Don’t pretend you’re blind to it. Nothing looks better than a man of God and the preacher’s daughter.”

“So you agreed to marry him?”

I nod.

“To save your dad?”

“Right.” I bite the inside of my cheek. “I made a promise.”

“So fucking break it then.”

I shake my head, running my hands through my hair. “It’s not that simple.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to.” The admission burns, and I’m sure it hurts Crew, but I can’t lie to him. “I get that it sounds extreme, but I made a deal for my father’s life, and I’m going to keep it. You can hate your brother all you want, but he’s nice to me. He’s… safe.”

Crew’s fingers tighten on the steering wheel. “And me?”

Two words so gritted it hurts to hear them. Because I’d love to tell him what I’m feeling is enough for me, but it wouldn’t matter when I’ll never be enough for him.

“You’re what I need, Crew,” I say, nearly a whisper. “But it doesn’t change who you are. And I accept that.”

He nods his head, but I’m not sure what he’s thinking. And even if I wish he’d tell me I’m wrong, he doesn’t.

“So that’s it then?” Crew says, glancing in my direction. “You’ve got us both all figured out, and you’ve made your decision.”

I nod, the lump in my throat hardening.

“Okay.” Crew slides his hand back up my leg and slips between them again.

“Okay?”

“Yep, we’ll do this on your terms, Goldie.” He drags his fingers over my pussy, and my core clenches. “I’ll play this little game of chicken you think you’ll win, and we’ll see who caves first.”

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