Page 112 of Heart Sick Hate

“So what’s the plan? Because she’s not marrying him. And I need to know what the fuck is going on with her father.”

“Same.” Adam walks back around the desk. “And I’m drawing him out as we speak.”

“And here I thought you called me in for a brotherly brainstorming session.” I don’t bother trying to bury my sarcasm.

Adam smirks, clicking away at something on the computer. “How do you think I run five multi-billion-dollar corporations, Crew? I don’t walk into meetings unprepared. I just needed to verify where your head was at before we got into this.”

“Where are we now that you know that?”

“We’re at the favor I’m going to ask you.” He leans back in his chair. “You need to tell your girl what’s going on, even if it’s going to break her heart.”

33

Echo

My gum clacks betweenmy teeth. A sound most people find annoying, but it calms me. Chewing. Keeping busy. I’ll do anything to resist the need to scratch the flesh from my arms as my anxiety itches to the surface.

When I was younger, I considered less healthy ways of dealing with the nerves constantly skittering around inside me. Watching my mom slowly deteriorate solved that problem because I refused to be weak like her.

I knew I would get out someday, whatever the price. And I would be strong about it.

I’d be free of rat-infested buildings and apartments that reeked of piss and drugs. I’d forget the taunts from the pretty girls at school when I wore dirty clothes and shoes with holes in the bottom. I’d escape.

Not that I wanted Mom to die for that chance. But someday I knew I’d show them I’m capable ofsomething.

And even if now people judge me for different reasons—because my hair doesn’t make sense or I’m too inked for a girl—at least I’m myself.

I refuse to beher,and I refuse to be them.

That is why, as I sat in Crew’s arms this morning, wishing three words would find their way out, I made peace with my decision.

I’ve been afraid, but no more.

I’m done reducing my happiness for what is safe, just because I’ve felt pain. Crew doesn’t want that for me.Idon’t want that for me.

And my father is going to understand.

“Beautiful service.” I smile at Dad as he drops down into the pew beside me.

Just because I’m not religious like he is, doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy watching him deliver a sermon. There’s something about how he fills a room with hope. A belief that things can change and be better.

In front of the masses, my father is a force. People don’t gravitate here for God, even if that’s who they’re searching for. They come here because Dad is a true believer in faith. Good, bad, ugly. He believes in forgiveness and mercy.

“Rhett did a fine job as well, don’t you think?” His gaze finds Rhett, who’s shaking hands with a group, his usual blinding smile on his face.

“He did fine.”

Dad hums, watching Rhett disappear into the crowd before looking at me. “You’re not wearing his ring.”

I look down to where I’m rubbing my bare finger in my lap. Clenching my hands, I dig my nails into my palms like it will hold me together.

“I can’t marry him.” A weight lifts with my admission.

“I know.”

“What do you meanyou know?” I turn to face Dad.

“I guess I should sayI assumed.” He offers a gentle smile. “You’re in love with his brother, aren’t you?”

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