Page 106 of Worth the Trouble

“So?”

“Beneath all that, you also said a lot of shit that made sense because deep down, this isn’t who you are, Rome.” He shakes my shoulder like he’s trying to shake some sense into me. “You’ve used all this shit as a barrier for years, but finally you didn’t need it anymore.”

“Well, maybe now I need it again.”

“Why?”

“She fucking broke me, man.”

That wasn’t what I was supposed to say. I was supposed to be fine. No one needs to know that for once I let someone in, and all they did was play more games, leaving me more broken than my father ever did.

And what sucks is deep down, I get it. I always knew Lili was too good for me. That she’d realize it at some point. I just didn’t expect to feel this way when it happened.

“Good.” Noah lets go of my shoulder.

I laugh really loud, not sure I heard him right. “Good?”

Noah smirks. “Yes, good. She broke you because you let her. You’ve never let anyone that close.”

“So, this is a good thing?” I might have lost my mind. Or maybe he has because he’s not making any sense.

“Love isn’t easy, Rome. I mean look at me and Merry. Falling for someone is hard enough, but the shit you’re gonna go through with the person afterward is even worse.”

“And this is you trying to convince me of what?” I drop down into one of the lawn chairs, and he sits opposite me.

“I’m reminding you of what you said to me when I wanted to give up.” Noah’s expression is no longer light. “You said I needed to decide if it was worth all the pain. And at the time, I wasn’t sure because it can be really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But I didn’t give up, and now look where I am.”

“It’s not the same,” I argue. “Lili isn’t like Merry.”

“Don’t I fucking know it.” Noah tilts his head back and laughs. “Merry’s a pain in my ass.”

I shake my head and can’t help but smile. The cheeriest fucking dude on the planet had to go and fall for the most difficult chick. But he doesn’t seem the least bit regretful about it.

Noah stops laughing and leans forward on his elbows, looking me directly in the eyes. “Is she worth your pain, Rome? Is she worth hurting over?”

I rake my hands through my hair and think about that. About her smile, her energy. How she makes me feel like I’m not dead when I’m around her. “She’s the only thing worth hurting over.”

He nods, a smile ticking in the corner of his lips. Dude is fucking sunshine and it’s annoying, if not comforting right now.

“I hate to break it to you, man…” He slaps a hand on my leg. “But you’re in love.”

I lay back on the lawn chair at his statement and let out a groan. Like maybe if I don’t look at him, I can avoid his comment. Because I’ve had that thought and decided it was impossible. I’m not a guy who falls in love.

“Shouldn’t love feel good?” I cover my face with my hands.

After all, they write books and movies about that shit—people head over heels and acting ridiculous. Love is supposed to be all rainbows and roses, but here I am, a mess and alone.

“Fuck, no,” Noah says. “Love is painful.”

I sit up and look him in the eyes. “Then why the fuck do it?”

Noah rests his hands behind him and leans back. He looks up at the sky, even if the stars are hidden behind clouds. Winter’s closing in faster this year, and I feel it in the air—in my bones.

“Remember when Merry lost the baby?” Noah’s voice cracks a little at the question.

“Yeah.”

I remember Noah went through hell after that. They didn’t know she was pregnant when they found out she was having a miscarriage, and it really fucked him up in the head. I remember him telling me he didn’t know if he was allowed to feel sad over something he didn’t know existed, and I’ve never seen him so broken.

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