Page 110 of Worth the Trouble

She shakes her head, and I realize she means Rome.

“No.” Not that I should have.

After what I did, he probably never wants to speak to me again. Rome doesn’t open up to people. I’m still not sure why he opened up to me. But he did. He laid there and handed me all of him, hours before I told him I didn’t want it.

“Your father and I were very different.” Mom wipes down the counter. “My mother hated the idea of us dating. She said we came from different worlds, and it would never work out.”

“I didn’t know that.” She’s never opened up to me about the exact reasons for the rift with her family. I’ve only ever assumed.

Mom shrugs like this isn’t something important. “I tried hard to prove her wrong, but over time, I just had to come to terms with the fact that she would never see it.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

She pauses, looking up at me from the other side of the counter. “Because I shouldn’t have cared so much about appeasing her when it was my happiness on the line. And I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.”

Mom turns back to cleaning like she’s not standing here dropping bombs on my views of her left and right. I’m not sure how to process all these revelations. Or the fact that my mother could have ever felt insecure herself. She’s not someone who lets that show, so I didn’t think it was possible.

“Mom,” I say, and she looks up at me. “I love you.”

I’ve never said that to her, and she doesn’t return it, but she does smile the slightest and nods at me before turning back to cleaning. It feels like we’re crossing a bridge I didn’t think was there.

The doorbell rings and my stomach sinks. It was only a matter of time before Eloise came to check in. She’s been texting me and asking how I’m doing, offering to bring me food. I’ve been putting her off because even if she’s my friend, she reminds me ofhim. And it hurts to think about Rome.

“I’ll get it,” Mom says. “You go sit on the couch.”

She disappears around the corner, and I grab my crutches and ditch my food. I’ve only had three bites of my burger and I’m not full, but I’m trying to mentally overcome these hurdles, even if it’s a slow process.

Obstacles made further difficult without Rome. He made me feel hungry for life again. Hungry for food again. With him gone, I’m struggling to find the point in any of this.

I make my way to the living room and sink onto the couch, bringing my leg up and setting my crutches aside. It still hurts, but at least I’m feeling things. It’s been too long since that’s happened.

Resting my head back, I close my eyes. Maybe I can sleep these feelings away, then I can forget that even if I’m making decisions for myself for once in my life, I’ve still lost him.

But I hear Mom walk back into the room before sleep claims me.

“Who was it?” I ask, letting out a sigh.

When she doesn’t answer, I open my eyes, and I’m met with my imagination. Or maybe I did fall asleep after all, and this is a dream. Because he wouldn’t be here otherwise. He’d know better.

“Hey, sweetheart.” Rome’s lip ticks up at the corner.

I see him. I hear him. I smell him. And I can’t breathe.

37

Rome

Iwasn’tsurewhatto make of the fact that Lili’s mom answered the door and actually let me in, but I was thankful. Even more so that she left when I showed up.

I feel like enough of a pussy showing up here when the girl flat out rejected me. I don’t need an audience for round two.

But walking into the room and seeing her on the couch with her broken leg lifted on a pillow and her eyes closed, I realized there was no use fighting it. I’m a punk, a pussy, a bitch—whatever they want to call me.

I can’t stay away from her even if she wants me to.

When her eyes open, I’m sure that I’m staring into the gates of hell because it feels so good to be looking in them that it can’t be right.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

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