I didn’t know how to deal with the loss of my career or the fact that Vaughn had him thrown in jail. I couldn’t handle the fact that my life was going to hurt him, so I pushed him away before it could get worse.
Vaughn could destroy me all he wanted, but I couldn’t let it happen to Rome.
So I let him go. Closed my eyes and felt him walk away. I swear the space stretched the further he got, but all it did was make me feel him more.
When he said he’d handed me his heart, I don’t think he was lying because I still feel it in my hands, bloody and broken.
Looking at my mom, her face is blank, and it’s hard to read anything in her expression. Her eyes are at a distance, and I’m reminded of how she looked at Dad’s funeral. Almost as if a piece of her had broken off and floated away, and she was staring out at the ocean, watching it drift until it disappeared.
“Mom, are you okay?”
Her gaze flicks to mine. She drops her stare to my broken leg and back up again. She inspects the burger on my plate and my face, but I can’t tell what she’s thinking.
“Your father was right,” she says, finally. “He said we were losing you. That he thought you were done dancing. He said your heart wasn’t in it anymore. But I was so insistent.”
“You couldn’t have known.”
“I could have.” She shakes her head, and there’s a softness I don’t think I’ve ever seen in my mother starting to overcome her expression. “I didn’t want to see it. You had so much potential, and I couldn’t let you pass it up.”
“It’s not that I hate it, you know.”
She nods, and I can see her thinking. “Vaughn wants you to commit to a European tour next year.”
“And you want me to go?” Just the thought of Vaughn makes my stomach curl.
“I always thought he was good for you,” Mom says, and when I open my mouth to argue, she holds up a hand, stopping me. “I know men can be difficult, and he struggled with fidelity.”
She says it like an excuse, like I should expect it and accept it, but I’m not sure why.
“But after this...” Her gaze moves once more to my broken leg, and this time I realize there is pain in her expression.
My mother, who doesn’t show affection, who acts like she doesn’t care, seems bothered by the fact that my leg is broken. And it isn’t because I can’t dance. It’s because Vaughn caused this.
She was there, she knows the truth just as I do. I might have tried to deny it with Rome, but I know Vaughn pushed me. I was just too brainwashed and broken to do anything about it at the time.
So I hid from the reality of the situation, and I walked away from the only man who ever mattered to me.
“Do you want to do the European tour?” she asks.
I shake my head. “I don’t know what I want to do anymore. I know I need to figure out something—”
“Lili.” She reaches across the table and puts her hand over mine. I’m not sure she’s ever touched me in a way that didn’t feel like her picking me apart, but there’s care behind her gesture. “Just heal. We’ll talk about it later.”
I don’t know how to respond to her statement. It throws me completely off balance. She isn’t berating me or making me feel guilty about this decision. She’s accepting it, and for the first time in my life, I feel like she’s accepting me.
“Thank you.” I almost choke on the words.
Mom nods, looking around the room. I follow her gaze and realize what a disaster it is. I got discharged from the hospital a few days ago, and I’ve been a mess ever since. Between takeout deliveries and movies, I’ve barely moved from this room.
Luckily, Eloise hasn’t come by to see what I’ve done to her house.
“Here, let me clean up,” Mom says, standing and starting to straighten up again.
I’m not sure who this woman is who showed up today, but she doesn’t feel anything like the person I’ve spent my life with. She feels like the person Dad used to tell me she was when he met her.
“Have you heard from him?” Mom asks, not looking at me.
“Vaughn?”