Page 105 of Worth the Trouble

I stand up and hope she’ll look at me, but she doesn’t. Lili sighs, and I feel the pain radiating out of her.

“I’m sorry, too,” I say, turning to walk away.

I brush past Adrian as I leave her room, but even if he follows me, I don’t say anything.

I’ve had my share of broken bones in my life. They’re worse than broken flesh. Deeper, more painful. But in this moment, I learn a cold hard truth. None of it comes close to a broken heart. Those hurt like a fucking bitch.

35

Rome

“Tryingtoforgetortrying to feel?” Noah stops in front of me, and I almost don’t hear him over the people and music.

I look up and see him standing there looking like he just rolled out of bed. Hair tied back and wearing a T-shirt and sweats.

“What are you doing here?”

Noah crosses his arms over his chest. “Adrian was worried about you.”

“Not sure why.” I stretch my arms across the couch and sit back. “I’m all good.”

“Clearly.” Noah’s eyes drop to the coffee table in front of me where there’s a buffet of drugs just waiting for me to pick my poison.

I still haven’t decided what sounds more appealing because if I’m being honest with myself, none of it does.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

Not only because I don’t feel like a fucking pep talk right now, but because this isn’t the kind of party Noah needs to be at when he’s a recovering addict. The entire scene is sex and drugs and all the stupid shit I’ve spent years surrounding myself with.

Distractions that used to seem more appealing than they do right now.

“Walk with me,” Noah says, turning away and not waiting to see if I’ll follow.

I’m not sure what compels me to follow him, but I get up and do. None of this shit is doing it for me anyway. I’m trying to drown out the thoughts in my head but everyone’s too fucking loud and annoying. And then there are the girls who keep coming up to me with their tits out.

I used to want to fuck them, right?

Because now all they seem to do is make me want to scream. So I ignore them and sit by myself trying to forget what’s raging in my chest.

Noah leads me to the backyard and it’s cold this late—or early. I’m not sure what time it is. Or what day it is. I left the hospital and stepped into a black hole where nothing really exists—not even the people in my house.

I’m pretty sure I invited them here, but who knows? I stopped caring who was coming and going. I can’t even tell if they’re the same ones or rotating. All I know is I can’t seem to be here without them because then I’d just be alone.

Noah spins when he closes the back door behind us. “What are you doing, man?”

Good question. The lights from the house make the forest strobe, and it’s a little intense. I’m not sure if it’s waking me up or putting me to sleep.

“Partying.” I shrug.

“But are you?” Noah narrows his eyes, and I kind of hate him for reading me.

I didn’t invite anyone from the band over for this very reason. I don’t need people actually seeing through whatever’s going on inside me right now.

“You’re sober.” It’s not a question. “And you look miserable. Not to mention, you’re sitting alone on the couch. Since when is that how you party?”

“I don’t need this right now.”

“Or maybe you do.” Noah grabs my shoulder when I try to walk past him, forcing me to stop. “Remember when I was all fucked up about Merry, and you were a total dick to me about it?”

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