Page 65 of Forever and Ever

Merry’s posture relaxes the slightest at that, and it pushes me forward.

“My ex showed up today, Merry.” I inch closer. “And not just a fuck buddy ex. This was the woman I spent eight years of my life with thinking she was it. She showed up and she wanted to work it out. But I said no to her. And do you know why it wasn’t even a fucking question in my head to try again?”

Merry shakes her head, but I grip her chin between my thumb and forefinger to stop her, because it’s a lie and she knows it.

“You,” I say. Straight up, no avoiding it.

Her lips part and the smallest breath escapes.

“I’m not dancing around this subject with you anymore.” I trace her chin with my thumb. “You’re it for me, do you realize that? So, I need you to cut the shit right now and skip the excuses, and just tell me, for my own sake, do you want more with me or not? Because you know I do.”

Merry swallows hard and her eyes get a little glassy.

“I can’t,” she says, but it’s not a no, and she has to look away right after she says it.

She forgets I know her too well. Because while she has spent all these months pushing me away, I’ve spent them learning everything there is to know about her and taking everything I could get.

“Yeah, I know youcan’t.” I rest my other hand on the wall beside her head so she’s caged between my arms. Sometimes it feels like it’s the only way to keep her in one place, even if I’m risking her fighting her way out.

“You never can,” I say. “And I really don’t want to hear whatever your reason for that is today because once again, that’s not the fucking question. I’m asking you what do youwant?”

Merry pulls her lips between her teeth and she’s radiating nervous energy. I’ve called her on her shit, and hopefully this time, she sees I’m not backing down.

“I’m tired of these games.” I shake my head. “I’m tired of what you think you can and can’t do—which, for the record, is bullshit—because you do whatever you want in any other situation. I just want you to be honest with me and yourself for once. Because I’ll wait forever and make a fool out of myself, but I’d rather you just put me out of my misery.”

Merry takes in a sharp breath and holds it. Her eyes work me over.

“No bullshit. No defenses. No excuses. Just answer the question, Mercedes. Do. You. Want. This?”

I’m not sure if I’m actually coming apart as the words leave my mouth, but it sure as fuck feels like it.

I’m well aware this makes me pathetic. I have my choice of women, and I could find someone willing to give me whatever I want in a heartbeat. But I really don’t care. Because I’d rather beg for the one standing in front of me than have anyone else.

Merry’s eyes drift down, and I think this is it.

She’s slipping away.

I’ve pushed too hard, and like the wild thing she is, she’ll run scared.

But when she looks back up at me, she doesn’t duck out between my arms or fill the silence with more of her excuses. She lifts on her toes to kiss me, and my heart jumps up into my throat to try and meet her lips.

I slide my hands from the wall and dig them into the hair at the back of her head, tasting the cherry Chapstick she’s always wearing. And even if I’ve pictured kissing her puffy lips hundreds of times and imagined how they’d fit against mine, her touch surpasses my imagination.

For as long as I can remember, there’s been this black hole sitting inside me. Breathing wider and wider as the years went on. And for the first time in as far back as I can process right now, the emptiness of it is shrinking.

Because Merry is in my arms.

Merry is inmy arms.

She feels like the home I didn’t know existed. A place that fits so well you belong there without having to even think about it. Her body melts in my hands as I run them up and down her sides, toying with the bottom edge of her shirt and the band on her jeans with each pass. Her mouth parts for me and I slip inside, finding the space in this world I was meant to fit in. A place that doesn’t feel forced or pretend.

It just feels like us... coming together.

Or maybe, I’m shattering because Merry’s body pressed against my skin feels like an explosion going off again and again.

I’m obsessed. She’s addictive. I’ll never get enough.

I push her against the wall, and she lets out a little moan that tastes so good on my lips. I want to drink every sound she makes. I want to be the person who causes her to make them.

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