Page 106 of Heart Break Her

The girls are fine, I think. I’m so high that the blow job is a blur, the sex even more so.

But the call, followed by the banging on the door. The look on Adrian’s face… clear as the sun shining on a bright fucking day.

The way his teeth ground together, like it was almost impossible to grit out what needed to be said. The way he looked like his words were about to break me in two.

They did.

“Myth’s dead.”

Two words changed everything.

32

Cassie

I’mthankfulSebastianbroughtme into the kitchen because if I was standing right now, I’d probably fall over. Sebastian sits across from me with his hands folded, one over the other, and the pain so present in his face that it cuts through me.

My head is swimming with conflicting thoughts. One, specifically, keeps circling. The bag of coke was in Sebastian’s hands first. The same drugs that killed my brother could have killed him. Losing one meant ultimately not losing the other. My heart hurts more than should be possible at the thought.

Then there’s the fact that Myth took the drugs because Sebastian was too busy celebrating his birthday with multiple women. How did I never know that my brother died on Sebastian’s birthday?

There are so many pieces he kept from me, and even if I know that Sebastian is wrongfully blaming himself for what happened, it doesn’t take the pain away from the fact that he’s been hiding all of this.

God, my stomach is twisting.

I stand so fast the chair almost falls backward, but I can’t think straight.

It’s taken me over a year to get to a place where I can be at peace with Myth’s decisions. Where I’ve been able to move through my day with a little less pain. Where he isn’t constantly in the front of my mind, leaving me feeling like I’ve failed him. But grief has a way of resurrecting things that have long since been put to rest.

One moment, one memory, and the full weight of them comes back.

“I…” I start, but the words don’t come out. So I walk over to the kitchen sink and fill my hands with cold water, splashing it over my face and washing away what little makeup I had on.

The coolness on my skin does nothing to wash the thoughts away.

If Myth had stayed in Seattle. If he’d chosen a different profession. If he’d stood still for a moment and stopped looking for an escape—could things have been different?

Probably not.

He was always untamed and unpredictable. There was no holding him still. Kind of like Sebastian.

Sebastian.

What am I doing? Playing with razor blades? Seeing how tough my skin is now that I’ve coped with the loss of my brother? Testing how much pain my heart can stand?

I’ve replaced my brother’s impulsive presence in my life with another, equally as dangerous. Possibly, more so. And for what? A little bit of a thrill until I head back into my cookie-cutter life?

It’s not like there’s anything more to come of this. I’ll go back to Seattle and Sebastian will move on to the next city, the next girl, the next drug that numbs him. It might feel good holding us together for a little while, but I can’t be his replacement. I can’t sit around and watch him move on. Or worse, destroy himself and turn into my brother.

There’s a devil on my shoulder, and I’ve given her too much leeway in my decisions lately. When did my angel disappear? Was it the same time Sebastian started singing about her?

I’ve never been so myself, and at the same time, I’ve never felt so lost.

I roll my shoulders back, knowing this conversation has started and I need to finish it, regardless of if I’m ready to face the outcome.

It’s not Sebastian’s fault Myth is dead, no matter what he’s been telling himself. But that doesn’t mean this confession isn’t a clear reminder of what I need to do right now.

I turn off the faucet and plant my hands on the counter as water falls down my face and onto my shirt. I’m a mess, both inside and out, and I couldn’t care less. I wipe my arm over my face to brush off the remaining water and turn.

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