Page 88 of Breaking News

I nodded slowly, still a little thrown. He was standing so close. “Okay…”

“Why don’t you and I break off from the others and do our own thing?”

I blinked. “Why would we do that?”

“To have some fun. Go get drinks somewhere.”

“Maybe we all can go?” I suggested, knowing exactly where this conversation was heading and trying my best to steer it another direction.

Xander’s eyes stayed on mine. “It’d be more fun if it were just the two of us,” he said, slipping his hands into his pockets. “I think we could… try again.”

My lips slowly parted slowly as I took this in, knowing this was probably what he’d been trying to tell me for the past couple of weeks. At City Hall, at the Gardeners’–he’d been trying to get me alone and suggest something like this for a while.

“What we were doing before we let emotions get in the way was pretty fun,” he added, his voice softer now. “And I miss that.”

I folded my arms against my chest. “You mean you miss having sex with me.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Xander. I don’t want casual sex. I need the emotions, too. I’m sorry, but this isn’t happening.”

He took a deep breath, glancing out the window at the others, who were standing around waiting for us. “I’m not saying we have to shut off our feelings completely. I’m just—”

“Are you still in love with Abigail?”

“This has nothing to do with her,” he said, his frustration showing in the way he stared down at his shifting feet. “It doesn’t matter.”

“You’re still in love with Abigail, but you’re trying to have sex with me,” I said quietly, more tired than angry. “Do you know how confusing that is?”

“Look, I’m…” He put his hands in his pockets and stared at the damask pattern on the rug at our feet. “I’m trying really hardnotto be in love with her. Because I kind of can’t take the slow heartbreak anymore. And Ilikeyou. I thought that since we’re here, in the city, and everyone’s just trying to have a good time,that would be enough. We can leave New York in New York and forget about it when we get back to Woodvale.”

My stomach hurt. I knew how much it pained him to have to say all of that out loud, and I wanted to sympathize with him. But I was equally frustrated, because I hadn’t done a single thing to suggest I was looking for a casual hookup with him.

He was just horny, and I was there.

“Xander,” I said with a sigh, touching a hand to my forehead. I turned slightly to glance out the window at the others. Graham was watching us. The second our eyes met through the glass, he quickly turned away and pretended to be interested in whatever Meghan and Chase were saying.

Then I looked up at Xander, who was already shaking his head. Either at himself or at me—it wasn’t clear.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that,” I said, tucking my hair behind my ears with both hands. I offered a small, hopeful smile, trying to let him down as gently as possible. A small part of me wished I could open up to him about Graham so he’d really know where my heart was. “Let’s just hang out with the group, okay?”

He licked his lips, and after a moment’s hesitation, he started to nod. “Okay.”

“Okay?” I echoed, just to be sure.

He looked up. “I said okay,” he snapped, tugging at the collar of his black t-shirt like it was choking him. “And… you don’t have to tell Meghan about this.”

I pretended to zip my lips before pushing my way through the revolving glass doors again, trying to shake off the conversation. I had enough on my plate without adding some nonsense with Xander to it.

The sidewalk buzzed with life. There were car horns, people laughing, and music spilling from a window nearby. So much was happening around us, it was hard to know where to even look. It was sensory overload in every direction. But I glancedup at Graham’s little half-smile as the five of us began our walk toward Times Square, and it was the only thing that made me feel like I could finally exhale.

chapter thirty-four

Graham

“It’s just a bunch of fucking ads.”

Xander didn’t hide his disgust when we reached Times Square. He’d been brooding ever since he had the conversation with Jill in the hotel lobby, and I couldn’t pretend like I didn’t have a pretty good idea what it was about. The bracelet at her birthday party told me enough.

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