Page 41 of Matched

Nothing had ever been like this. Ever. I never wanted it to end.

But it did, as suddenly as it had begun.

Sophie.

I ripped my mouth away from Charlie’s, staggering backwards as I frantically rubbed my hand over my face.

“No. No, no, no,” I gasped, fumbling for the lock and pawing at the door. I managed to get outside, and I knew I was a coward, but I ran.

“What the fuck? Nate?”

I ran blindly past Jonas, who was curled up on the sofa with his girlfriend, yanking open my bedroom door and falling inside. Collapsing onto my bed face first, I punched my pillow, shouting into it.

When my anger at myself was temporarily abated, I twisted my head to the side, staring at the wall. To my horror, I could feel tears pricking at my eyes. Why? Why had I— Why had any of that happened?

A throat cleared from somewhere behind me, and the mattress dipped. Swallowing hard, I attempted to compose myself, but it was a lost cause.

“Nate? Are you okay?”

“Where—” My voice was far too hoarse. Clearing my throat, I tried again. “Where’s Jada?”

“Gone back to her place. Mate, talk to me. What’s up?”

“It’s nothing.”

“That’s not true.”

He wouldn’t let it go, I knew. With a sigh, I rolled over and pulled myself upright, leaning my back against the wall. Staring down at my hands, I let the words fall from my lips. “I fucked up. Badly.”

Jonas shuffled closer, moving to sit next to me with his legs stretched out across my bed. His arm was a solid presence against mine, grounding me. “Wanna talk about it?” he said softly.

“No. But…maybe if I do, you can make sense of it for me. Because I don’t… Fuck, I don’t even know where to start.”

He patted my thigh once. “I know it’s a cliche to say this, and you know how much I hate cliches, but the beginning is usually a good place.”

The beginning. Okay. “Uh…I guess it started with your app.”

There was a sharp intake of breath from next to me, followed by a pained sound. My head whipped around to see my housemate eyeing me with what looked like guilt. Guilt?

“It’s not your fault,” I said. “You know how I met Charlie that night, and then the same thing happened again. It was like…I dunno, we clicked instantly.”

I gave him a condensed rundown of my interactions with Charlie. He already knew about the dates, including the one in Hyde Park, but as far as he was concerned, everything had been two new friends hanging out. Now, everything spilled out of me, including the kiss.

The kiss that even now, I couldn’t stop replaying over and over.

“I tried so hard to convince myself that I was okay with Sophie and Charlie being together. And now this has happened, and I feel so fucking guilty. Even more guilty than I already felt. And then I acted like a complete fucking coward, running away from my problems instead of facing them. I’m supposed to have my shit together by now, and I don’t—I don’t know what to do.” My voice cracked, and I scrubbed my hand over my jaw, exhaling heavily. “Sorry. It’s just so fucking…I don’t know. Everything is so fucked up. How could I do that to my sister? And Charlie…I-I just left him there. Just fucking ran from him. And he’s a man, and I don’t—I’m straight?” It came out as a question.

“Take a breath.” Jonas patted my thigh again. “Let’s look at this logically, and I’m sure you’ll see it’s not as bad as you’remaking out.” He grimaced. “I guess I should confess my part in this.”

“What?” I stared at him.

“Yeah…please don’t do anything rash, but that second time you were matched with Charlie…I might’ve engineered it.”

“Youwhat?”

“I’m sorry. I know it was an abuse of your trust, not to mention unethical. I could’ve been kicked off my course if my lecturer found out. But I just— When you came back from that first date, you were so happy. Happier than I’ve seen you in a long time. Not that you’re normally sad or anything, but you were really, really happy. And you talked about Charlie for like, an hour straight, and you don’t even do that with the girls you fancy, so I thought maybe there was something there.”

My mouth opened and closed, but I had no words. Jonas seemed to sense I was struggling, and with a heavy sigh, he continued.

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