Page 76 of Finally Loved

Alba nodded. “I don’t know that it helps, but I don’t think you were the problem in any of those situations.”

“I appreciate it. I just think, with, you know, having those same words thrown in my face, and then with Charlie pulling something similar, I was just feeling really broken.”

Alba reached a hand over to Neve’s knee, the other keeping a grip on the steering wheel. “It was shitty of them both.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“No maybe about it. You deserved better.”

Neve leaned her head against the seat, giving Alba a fond look, grateful that Alba couldn’t look directly at her for more than a quick glimpse. “That was kind of what the conversation was about.”

“Oh, yeah? What did Olive have to say?”

“Oh, um.” Neve laughed awkwardly. “Just a lot of stuff about how we can’t control other people and we shouldn’t assume we know what they do and do not want. I mean, if we really think about it, that’s a pretty relevant theme recently. I shouldn’t have been doing it either.”

Alba furrowed her eyebrows. “What have you been assuming people want?”

“Um. Someone not like me. Someone who isn’t ace. Sex, I guess.”

“That’s not the same thing as what Charlie was doing to you.”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“Definitely not. It’s understandable that, after being hurt repeatedly, and for the same reason, you’d start to think that was all there was.”

“Yeah, but still, it is unfair. Olive told me, and Robin told me too, actually, that there are plenty of people who would, you know, willingly…” She cleared her throat. This was harder than she’d been expecting. “Well, you know.”

Alba laughed. “I’m excited to finally meet Robin. She sounds smart.”

Neve smiled at the side of her head. “I think you’ll like her.” She hesitated. “But, so, you agree?”

Alba looked at her as she stopped at a light, a split second longer than before, not long enough to be dangerous. “Do I agree with Robin that allo people can willingly forgo certain types of sex to be with someone who doesn’t want it? I’m assuming Robin is allo?”

“Yeah, she is. And, uh, yeah. That is the question. I guess.”

Alba smiled slightly at Neve’s awkwardness as the light changed and she started driving again. “Yes. I agree.”

“Do you?” Neve’s chest was pounding. She’d wanted that answer so badly. She knew it wasn’t that simple, people hadacted like it would be fine before, but she’d never had the conversation with them quite like this. Nor had they had the buildup she and Alba seemed to have been having.

Alba’s hands clenched the steering wheel a little tighter than usual. “Yes, of course. I mean, if you, you know, love someone, there’s more to it than just that.”

“Right. But it’s okay if that’s an important part.”

“I think it’s more important that both partners are safe and comfortable.”

“Yeah, no, I know that. I’m not saying—I just meant, it’s okay for people to not be in a relationship if the level of sex doesn’t match what they need.”

Alba thought for a moment. “Yeah, that is fair. But I don’t think someone being allo means they can’t be with, say, someone who is asexual.”

Neve’s insides twisted at her tone. “Do you not?”

“No. What did Robin have to say about it?”

“Oh.” Neve giggled and shifted. “Um, that if her girlfriend never wanted to do it again, she wouldn’t care. That she’d miss the rest of their relationship far more than she’d miss the sex.”

“Right.” Alba shrugged. “That’s not going to work for everyone, sure. I know plenty of people who’ve broken up because of sexual incompatibility, that’s totally fine, but it doesn’t mean… It’s not like…” She sighed heavily. “Look, I’m sorry, I don’t want to make this awkward, but I think I get what we’re getting at, so… I’m going to pull over.”

Neve’s heart sped in her chest, her head feeling as though she’d been spinning around. The feeling didn’t let up as Alba drove, waiting for a place to pull over. Finally, there was an unpaved parking lot that marked the start of a walking trail.

---