Page 75 of Finally Loved

Zainab joined them at the door right before someone knocked and Alba yanked the door open with impressive force and flourish.

Neve leaned around it to see possibly the loudest, gayest button-up shirt she’d ever seen. Without a doubt, she knew this had to be Kai. Zainab had been coy talking about them over the last few days, but it was clear their date had gone well. And now, they were here.

“Ah,” they said, grinning widely, “I didn’t realize we were having company.”

“Hey, we live here,” Alba said, including Neve in a way that made Neve’s body feel as though it were made of static electricity.

Zainab sighed. “Yes, they’re also late and slower moving than I was expecting.

Neve winced. “Sorry, my fault.”

“Oh, don’t apologize,” Alba said gleefully. “This way, we get to meet Kai. And what a pleasure it is.”

“Don’t you two have somewhere to be?” Zainab asked pointedly.

“Hm. Probably, but we wouldn’t want to be rude.”

“It would be far ruder for you to stay. And far more likely to result in your death.”

Alba laughed, but Neve put a hand on her back. “We should be going. Kai, nice to meet you. Zainab, have fun.”

Zainab groaned. “You’re just as bad as Alba. How are there multiple of you?”

“Watch it,” Alba warned, mostly jokingly.

“I will happily watch you two drive away. Thank you very much.”

Alba laughed but did lead Neve out of the door, taking her hand like she’d been doing it forever.

Neve’s heart skipped a beat. She wasn’t sure how much Zainab had talked about her and Alba, but, if very little, Kai’s current understanding of the situation must have been that Alba and Neve were a couple and that they lived together. An impression Alba had cemented by taking her hand. She’d never realized how much she needed someone to be proud to be with her, to just let people think they were together without worrying about it. It wasn’t like she’d always been a dirty little secret, but, coming off whatever her situation had been with Roxanne, she couldn’t deny how wonderful it felt.

She wasn’t ignorant to the fact that it mattered that it was Alba, too. There was a unique thrill about people thinking it was Alba she was with, that she, somehow, got to be the luckiest person in the world, the one who Alba chose to love.

Neve had never understood the concept of swooning before, but she got it now.

They made it to the car before Alba let go of her hand, neither of them acknowledging it as they stood close together in the lift, giggling and speculating about Zainab’s attempts to have Kai over at the first possible opportunity, no matter how stubborn she was still being about what was going on between them.

Neve could feel the nervous fluttering in her stomach. She had to have the conversation. If it went badly, she’d be devastated, and the timing couldn’t have been worse, but she couldn’t not have it. For possibly the first time in her life, she knew who she was and she knew what she wanted. She owed it to herself, and to all the mistakes her past self had made, to at least have the conversation. Even if it went badly.

She threw her bag into the trunk, the letter from Charlie now tucked inside it but feeling like a distant memory. Once upon a time, she’d have desperately needed an explanation, an apology, an attempt at understanding. Now, it just didn’t feel all that important. She’d want to know at some point, but it wasn’t the desperate beacon calling to her. Fascinating what a little space and support could do for you.

They’d barely been on the road ten minutes before the conversation erupted from inside of her. It was as though Neve had been carrying it with her through every relationship she’d ever had, through every day of her life, and, now that she’d finally found someone she wanted to ask, felt safe enough to ask, it was just bursting out of her.

“So, I’ve been talking to Olive about asexuality,” she said, realizing as the words came out where her mind had chosen to start.

“Oh, yeah?” Alba asked, shooting her a quick grin.

Neve couldn’t decide whether the sunglasses she was wearing were helpful or not. On the plus side, Alba wasn’t looking unfiltered at her, but, on the negative side, if they looked directly at each other, all Neve could see was her own, slightly distorted reflection.

She nodded. “Yeah. You know, with everything, I’ve been struggling with it.”

Alba frowned, watching the road. “How do you mean?”

“Well, when multiple people break up with you for the same reason, it really starts to get into your head that you’re the problem, that you’ll never find love, you know?”

“Should I pull over?”

Neve laughed. “No, no. This is good. I promise I’m good. I’m just explaining how I’ve been feeling.”

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