Page 56 of I Always Will

Alexandria blushed again. “I’m glad you like it.”

It wasn’t anything special, but she liked it. It was tidy and organised, at least. Her parents were always talking about how they weren’t going to have kids whose rooms were worse than pigsties and, somewhere along the way, it had just become a habit to keep things tidy, just like in the rest of the house. Even since Daniel came along, the house hadn’t been especially messy. More stuff had invaded the living room, things to keep him safe and occupied, but it hadn’t become messy. Alexandria had been to messy homes and she didn’t mind them, but she figured it was one of those things that some people had and others didn’t. Her parents resolutely did not.

Now, with Hailey in her room, she was glad she’d picked up being tidy. She knew she’d be mortified if Hailey had found the place a mess.

Hailey plopped herself down on the corner of Alexandria’s bed. “Wow. It’s comfy,” she said, bouncing up and down slightly. “Am I going to sleep in this room with you?”

“Yeah,” Alexandria replied, feeling giddy in a way she couldn’t explain. She hadn’t really felt like she was missing out on much by not having sleepovers but, now that it was here, it felt like everything. She wondered whether it was the sleepover or the fact that Hailey was the most interesting friend she’d ever had. “If that’s okay? We can both fit in the bed, I think, or I can sleep on the floor. We have extra blankets.”

Hailey laughed. “We should share. We can stay up all night talking and, if your parents come in, we can just pretend to be asleep.”

Alexandria’s stomach clenched. “We have to be really quiet if we do that. My dad will get so angry if we keep waking him up.”

“Don’t worry, that’s the benefit of being in the same bed. We can whisper super quietly and still hear each other. I mean, unless you’re the kind of person who likes to yell directly in people’s faces, which I wouldn’t expect from you but whatever floats your boat.”

“I absolutely do not like doing that,” Alexandria laughed. She liked Hailey. She liked having Hailey here. It felt special.

“Also, I, uh… I don’t have any pyjamas or anything,” Hailey said, suddenly a little awkward. “You know, since I didn’t know I was coming. Sorry.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I can lend you some.” She went over to her chest of drawers and looked through her pyjamas. Every year, for Christmas, she got a new, matching set, so she had plenty to choose from.

She pulled out one set with flowers printed on them and one set that had a tartan print, holding them out to Hailey. “Take your pick.”

“Tartan, definitely,” Hailey said, smiling widely at her.

“I thought that’s the one you’d pick,” Alexandria said proudly. She was so happy she knew Hailey well enough to predict her choice.

“Oh, yeah?” Hailey teased. “Well, I bet you can’t guess what I’m going to order at the chippy.”

Alexandria laughed and thought about it as she lay the two pairs of pyjamas on her bed, just on top of the quilt. She wasn’t sure exactly why, but she felt she needed a crisp pair of new pyjamas if she was going to be sharing a bed with Hailey. “Fish and chips?”

“What, so I can match with your dad? No,” Hailey laughed.

Alexandria rolled her eyes affectionately right as her dad called up the stairs for them to hurry up so they could go get dinner. “Pie and chips?”

“Nope,” Hailey said, looking back over her shoulder at Alexandria as she led the way to the door. “Nice try, though.”

“Just chips?” Alexandria asked with a laugh as she closed her bedroom door behind them. It was a small thing, really, having a friend over and guessing their chippy order, but she felt like she was glowing inside. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt so happy. She didn’t think she’d ever been able to help a friend like this before, or been someone’s safe place to go, but she was so glad she was Hailey’s.

“Definitely not,” Hailey said, laughing along.

Alexandria didn’t make people sad or angry, but she didn’t make many people laugh either. It was nice being around Hailey who seemed so happy around her and laughed frequently.

The swell of happy emotions and excitement at their new friendship was unfamiliar to Alexandria but it felt right. Having Hailey in her space, playing silly little guessing games with her… Everything about this was so much more than Alexandria could have hoped for.

She hoped they would be friends forever.

Twenty-Three

Present day

Alexandria was already gone by the time Hailey got up the next morning. The only trace she’d been there was the note left on the kitchen counter thanking her for letting Alexandria stay. It made her feel mildly ill.

She knew the reason Alexandria had left was that she couldn’t face Hailey after her comment last night. She’d said it so quietly that Hailey hadn’t been sure whether she was supposed to hear it. Ridiculously, she’d hoped Alexandria thought she hadn’t as she tried to buy herself some time to think of an appropriate response.

What she’d wanted was to demand Alexandria repeat herself and, if she had heard correctly, to hear all about the CDs Alexandria had been making for her. Mixtapes had always been Hailey’s thing. She made them for Alexandria. She gifted them to her for every consequential event or celebration, and for a million inconsequential ones just because she’d felt the need to make her best friend a compilation. They’d been the way Hailey told her she loved her when she didn’t have the words or the courage to do so.

So, what did it mean that Alexandria had spent seventeen years making mixtapes for her? What was on them? What did they say?

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