Page 86 of Of the Stars and Sea

With every step I take, I feel a rift forming between Grayson and me. Such grand words have been spoken. His proclamations of his desires for me . . . his promises to follow me across the world should my heart wish it.

In this very moment, I don’t know what my own heart wants.

Not when he has proven to be a hypocrite. Telling me there is no place for half-truths and secrets amongst us anymore, just for him to avoid the truth the very first chance he gets.

Anger sears through my blood, masking the wave of hurt that threatens to crush me from the inside.

The only thing stopping me from turning right around and putting my dagger to his neck is the small voice in the back of my mind that’s urging me to keep walking. Telling me there must have been a reason for him to keep that information from me.

When I arrive at the hatch, I peer down at the square holes that pepper the door. Light shines into the stairwell and I realize that small voice is much louder than I want it to be.

Bending over, I grab the handle and lift up. The rusty hinges squeak loudly, alerting whoever may be downstairs of my arrival. I close the hatch behind me as I make my way down the stairs and into the dimly lit kitchen.

The cook is humming loudly to himself in the corner, stirring some beige-colored stew that I know will taste divine, despite itshomely appearance. But it’s the sight of Tommy hunched over a bucket of potato skins that makes me smile.

“What are you doing down here, Miss Rowenya?” he asks, finally looking up from the half-peeled potato in his hand.

After grabbing a knife from the counter, I sit on the stool next to his and snag one of the potatoes from the large pile between us. “Just needed to hide away for a moment.”

“Hmm.” He eyes me sidelong. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Nope.” I slice off a piece of potato skin and it goes flying across the floor, missing the bucket completely.

“Sometimes not talking helps just as much as talking,” Tommy offers. “But I am here to listen. If you ever need an ear.”

Pausing, I look over at him and note there’s a change to the way he appears. It’s almost as though he’s grown into himself over the last few weeks. His face doesn’t seem quite as round and childlike, and the muscles across his chest are larger. When he flicks another piece of skin off the potato in his hand, I note the size of his forearms. They’re slightly bigger than the last time I sat next to him in this kitchen.

“Tommy, have you been working out?” I ask with a smile.

Dark red stains his cheeks as he dips his head lower, acting like he’s trying damn hard to concentrate on his peeling skills.

I poke him in his bicep with my finger. “Youhave, haven’t you?”

The color of his cheeks grows a shade darker as he reveals a toothy smile. “Captain told me I’m almost ready to move up in rank amongst the crew, but I need to be strong enough to work the rigging on the main deck. He doesn’t want me being a liability to the other men. So, he said if I build up my strength, the spot is mine.”

Hearing that Grayson gave Tommy a chance to go after the only thing he’s ever wanted since joining this crew makes my heart stumble. How the hells can I hate the male one momentand be fawning over him the next? It’s frustrating when all I want to do is be mad at him. Seeing the look on Tommy’s face makes me reconsider my plans of stabbing him.

At least for now.

That all might change once I corner him later and demand answers from him.

“I think that’s wonderful, Tommy. Your captain is lucky to have you. I know you’re going to be an amazing addition to his crew.”

He beams at me and the light shining from his happiness shoots straight to my heart. “It means a lot to me that you think so, Miss Rowenya. I just . . .” He trails off and starts working his knife in long strokes over the starch again.

“Just what?” I ask.

He sighs and I see the air of confidence he possessed just a moment ago snuff out like a quick breath to a candle’s flame. “I hope the crew accepts me. They aren’t exactly known to be the friendliest, and I’m honestly terrified of messing things up.”

“You will mess up.” He shoots me a wide-eyed look and I chuckle. “That’s becauseeveryonemesses up, Tommy.”

I point my knife toward the wooden ceiling where men’s boots scrape against it from above.

“There’s not a single man up there who hasn’t made a mistake on this ship, including your captain. I’d even bet thatallof those men have screwed up quite a few times before they got it right. You can’t expect yourself to be perfect. Not when you’re doing something for the first time. I can’t tell you not to worry about it because, hells, I worry about everything all the time.”

Leaning toward him, I place a hand on his knee and give it a pat. “But what I can tell you is that I’m proud of you for going after what you want and not taking no for an answer. There aren’t very many people in the world who have that kind of conviction.”

He looks at me for a long moment, then whispers, “Thank you.”

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