Page 69 of I Could Be Yours

I sigh and drag a hand through my sweaty hair.

“Spit it out, man. I won’t tell Tris or Rix. Whatever you say stays here on this beach.”

“I kissed her once at a party the summer before I went to university,” I admit. “I’ve never told anyone. And as far as I know, she never has either.”

“Interesting. What happened after the kiss?”

I scrub a hand over my face. “I was supposed to call her the next day.”

“But you didn’t.”

I shake my head. “I didn’t.”

“Why not?”

I tip my head up. It’s a clear, beautiful day. Not a cloud in the sky. “So many reasons. I was leaving for Kingston in a few weeks.”

“And you didn’t want to do the long-distance thing?”

“One of the guys I hung out with started giving me the gears. Told me about the friend of his Essie dated, how she was in love with him two weeks in, and I don’t know… I guess I just freaked out?” I meet his gaze, expecting judgment, but all I get is Flip’s impassive empathy, so I keep going. “I didn’t think I could handle a relationship, especially not with someone who could fall in love with me. I just wanted to have fun, you know? I couldn’t deal with serious then.” Based on my track record, I don’t know if I can handle it now. Ironic that for the first time since Lisa broke it off, it’s something I’m considering. “So I ghosted her.”

Flip nods. “Well, that explains the weird tension when you two were around each other until recently.”

“What weird tension?”

“She’s always fussing with herself, like she’s self-conscious, and you’re always in the worst of fucking moods. Probably because you feel like a guilty asshole.”

“Basically, yeah.”

“So you’ve explained why you ghosted her, then?” he asks.

“That’s the thing…we haven’t really addressed it.” The times she’s mentioned it, we haven’t been in a place where I could issue the apology she deserves.

“But you’re fucking.” It’s a statement, not a question.

Fucking sounds so…crude. Emotionless. “Yeah.”

“You should at least be honest with her about the past. I’m hazarding a guess that she’s okay with the current arrangement because she has ideas about why things went down the way they did back then. Telling her the truth could change that.”

“I don’t know if I want it to change.”

His expression shifts, his smile a little sad. “It already has, Nate. It’s written all over your face. Maybe the arrangement started as just sex, but you have feelings. Not sharing them with her doesn’t stop them from existing.” He’s different than the Flip I moved in with almost a year ago. I’m not sure what inspired the change, but his insightfulness is surprising.

“What if she doesn’t want what I want?” The twist in my stomach and the panic clogging my throat are more telling than I’d like.

“That’s always the risk. You have to decide if she’s worth it.” He claps me on the shoulder. “You don’t have to make a move now, or this week even. But weigh what you’re willing to put out there. Maybe this is your second chance.”

CHAPTER 21

ESSIE

Iset my book on the table and stretch. I was right to kick Nate out early this morning. Rix came knocking on my door twenty minutes after he left, looking to grab coffee.

We followed it up with a group brunch—I sat at the other end of the table from Nate so I wouldn’t accidentally flirt with him. We’ve been lounging by the pool since. “What time is it?”

“Just after noon. What’s up?” Rix asks.

“I scheduled a private yoga session for us girls. We should get cleaned up and head over.”

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