Page 103 of The Drummer

Once again I watch her walk away because I’m too selfish to live with the consequences of my own choice.

But with all the painful challenges on my plate and morebrimming on the horizon, none seem worse than the prospect of facing them without Callie.

After a quick shower, I’ve re-centered myself and decide to try again. I still don’t know how to fix this, but I can’t stop trying until I do. If not for myself, for her and Luke.

I trace her earlier steps to Luke’s room and knock briefly before peeking into the room. I need a change of clothes anyway.

Callie’s gaze sweeps over mine before returning with determination to the screen.

Ouch. And completely deserved.

Luke scans my half-naked body in a towel and shakes his head.

“Dude, you really need to send for your stuff or go shopping,” he says as I fish through his drawers. I shoot him a wry look, and his lips tip up with a secret only he knows.

“What are you watching?” I ask to break the tense atmosphere.

“Absolute Descent,” Callie says in a curt tone.

I cross a look to her, but she’s avoiding me, so I return to my task.

“Any good?” I ask.

“So far it’s fine,” is her dismissive reply. “Just started fifteen minutes ago.”

Guess she’s going to make me work for this.

“Can I sit?” I ask after pulling on shorts and a t-shirt.

Callie looks about to say no, but Luke has other plans.

“Sure, man. We can go out to the living room if you want.”

Relocating solves nothing. I need forced proximity.

“No, this is fine. There’s room.”

Famous last words.

It takes exactly three minutes and a few heated exchanges before she’s fleeing from me yet again. This time back the way she came.

Luke turns a warning look on me as she stomps away, presumably “to get a drink.”

“I don’t know what you did, but you need to go fix this,” he grunts.

He’s not wrong. If he has any grand ideas how, that would be great, because right now I can’t seem to do anything right.

I release a heavy exhale and slide off the bed. My original plan was to play it civil for a while, let her get used to my presence, like acclimating to the heat.ThenI’d make another attempt at smoothing things over.

But I miscalculated. I underestimated what this woman does to me, and once we were pressed against each other, my brilliant plan dissolved in a rush of need to be close to her.

Now she’s further than ever.

And it’s all my fault. Everything is my fault these days. I’m trying so hard to keep all these ships afloat, but it’s getting impossible to breathe, let alone carry the catastrophic weight crushing me.

I’m so fucking lost. And scared. And paying for crimes I don’t even know I’m committing anymore.

She squares up when I approach, and I brace for another blow.

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