Page 58 of Matrix

“How old were you when you ran away from the last home?”

“You’re assuming I decided to run. That’s a big assumption.”

“When a kid is forced to fend for himself, there’s no point in staying with the family who isn’t taking care of him. A lot of foster kids leave before they turn eighteen.”

“I was ten.”

“Oh, God.”

“I wish I’d stayed. The family sucked, but if I’d known what was waiting for me, I would have happily eaten scraps. Starvation isn’t the worst thing that can happen to you when you’re a kid.”

“Not by a mile. I’ve seen videos of what happens to runaways. The worst part of my desk job at the FBI involved sex crimes prosecutions. I’d have to dig through the most disgusting videos to look for evidence. Crimes you wouldn’t believe crossed my desk every week. It almost made me give up trying to make a difference because there were so many. So damn many.”

“But you didn’t quit. You kept at it.”

“Yes. Not just because of my sister’s kidnapping. That just added fuel to the fire. But before then, I’d already committed to the job. I knew I’d never be able to save every kid, but I could help stop as many perpetrators as possible.”

“You love your job, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Then you shouldn’t do anything to put it in jeopardy.” He moves me out of his arms and rolls away.

I want to pull him back, but I hesitate because I finally realize what’s happening between us. It hits me like a rock. I’m falling in love with him. And if he’s warning me to be careful, then he must see it too. He understands something I don’t want to admit. As long as I’m an FBI agent, we can’t ever be together. To stay with him, I’d have to leave the agency and give up everything I’ve worked for. I don’t know if I can do that. Love is a powerful feeling, but so is making a difference in the world. If I had to choose between him and my job, I don’t know what I’d do. I hope I never have to make that decision.

Chapter 15: Matrix

The fluorescent lighting in the gas station mini-mart feels wrong. It’s too bright, yet it also flickers off, casting darkness over the aisles. My stomach rumbles, reminding me why I’m here. I only need a little food. Just enough to get me through another night.

As I walk down the row of snacks, I glance at the round mirror near the ceiling in the corner. The guy at the register hasn’t stopped reading the magazine with the naked lady on the cover. He’s not paying any attention to me, so I shouldn’t have any trouble taking enough to last a few extra days. Stealing every night is risky. The less I have to do it, the better.

I stuff the biggest bag of potato chips I can find down my shirt. My stomach bulges out like a pregnant lady’s. I consider putting it back, but the cash register guy hasn’t looked up once. He’ll never know. Also, he’s not going to miss these candy bars. There are so many, and I only need a few. I grab a Snickers, a package of peanut butter cups, and a roll of six chocolate doughnuts.

By the time I’ve got it all stowed away, I’m slobbering. I want to rip into everything and stuff it in my face, but I’ll have to wait until I get back to the park.

I walk past jugs of water but leave them alone. Water’s not hard to get. There are drinking fountains in the park where I’m living. I wait until after dark to go out, so no one messes with me. I’d really like a soda to wash this all down. I haven’t had one in days. Besides, one can won’t change anything. I can swipe it from the refrigerated case. It’ll be easy since no one’s watching me.

Making my way toward the back of the store, a man who looks like a ghost steps into the aisle, blocking my path. I look up and up and up until I see his face. It’s mean.

“Boy, are you going to pay for all that stuff?” His voice is angry and reminds me of my last foster dad. He was a bad man. This guy might be one too. He’s got wild, black hair sticking up all over, just like that kid who stuck a knife into a light socket at my last house.

“Yeah.” I back up a step.

“Where are your parents?” he demands.

“They’re in here. Over there.” I point, hoping he’ll believe my lie and leave me alone.

“No one else is in the store. See that mirror? I can see everything. We’re the only people shopping … or stealing.”

“I’m going to pay for it.”

“Do you have money?”

“Yeah.” I want to turn and run away. I’m tempted to drop the snacks so I can escape.

“I can buy those for you.” The man’s voice goes soft. He squats down so I can see his face better. It’s puffy and very white.

“No, thanks,” I mumble. I glance at the guy behind the counter. He’s still not looking our way. So far, I’m still safe. I haven’t really been caught.

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