Page 29 of Chasing the Horizon

In fact, if Victor wasn’t mistaken, Kade had rather liked recounting that memory. He’d liked living in that long-ago time, if only for a little while.

Suddenly, Kade picked up the chocolate bar, ripped open the top, and took a bite. His face lit up. Victor felt like he was watching something magical unfold.

“How is it?” Victor asked.

Kade looked at him, and at this moment, Victor felt as though Joel was looking at him instead.

I need to get Joel out of my head, Victor thought.

But Kade said, “It’s not bad,” and took another bite. He finished the candy bar in two minutes and had a little melted chocolate on his chin. It was probably more food than the kid had eaten all day. Victor leafed through the desk drawer to find another and tossed it over to him.

“My parents never let me have this much candy,” Kade said, sounding suspicious but eager.

“It’s Christmas,” Victor said. “We all break our diet rules around Christmas. It’s the only way to really celebrate.”

Kade opened his second bar and took a bite.

This was their fourth session together, and it was the closest Victor had gotten to breaking through to Kade. But he knew better than to leap too quickly. He knew better than to say something liketell me more about your parents, or can you tell me how your other Christmases out at sea were?He knew that to build Kade’s trust, he had to wait for him to guide the conversation. He had to wait for Kade to draw closer.

On Christmas Eve, Esme dragged them all to church.

Victor was dressed in a big fuzzy sweater and a pair of slacks, sitting in the fourth row of a church he hadn’t entered in thirty-plus years. Esme was beside him, wearing a perfume that made him woozy with love, and in the row behind them was their entire family—Rebecca, Bethany, Valerie, and their children and partners. When Victor glanced back, he saw that Valerie had a hand on her pregnant stomach, and her face was aglow in the candlelight.

Victor caught her eye and winked, and Valerie smiled back.

“Weird to be here,” she whispered.

“You’re telling me,” Victor said.

Esme shushed them but smiled, letting them know it was all right.

The pastor got up to welcome them with an opening prayer. Victor kept his eyes open, studying the Christmas trees and the angel statues and the glinting lights. He studied the faces of his family as they prayed. Right before the prayer was over, he closed his eyes and said his own prayer to the Lord, thanking him for all he’d brought back into his life and promising that he’d be better, that he’d try harder. But the moment he thought that, he remembered that he wasn’t giving his all in couples therapy. He was hiding from his own emotions and hadn’t been back to see Dr. Frank Gallagher.

It’s Christmas, he reminded himself.Live in the good.

It was about time he took his own advice.

After church, they gathered at the house for drinks and Christmas cookies. Victor poured himself a glass of whiskey and settled in with his grandchildren, who wanted to play cards. Shelby had learned a card game called euchre at university, and she was trying to teach it to them but kept forgetting the rules.

“I swear, it’s like this,” Shelby said, furrowing her brow as she regathered the cards and explained another rule she’d forgotten previously.

Victor laughed heartily and elbowed his grandson Chad, who threw his head back and yelled at his sister. “You’re torturing us! Why can’t we just play a game we already know?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” Shelby asked.

When they finally abandoned the game, Victor went into the living room to find Valerie, Rebecca, Bethany, and Esme in cahoots. It was almost like they were plotting something, speaking so closely and whispering.

“What’s gotten into you four? Should I be worried?” Victor asked.

They drew back with alarm and blinked at him before bursting into laughter.

“We were just talking about your trip to Manhattan,” Rebecca said finally. “We all want to come with!”

Victor’s heart opened. “Really?”

“Why not?” Bethany chimed in. “I don’t have another surgery lined up till the first week of January, and the city is gorgeous this time of year.”

“All those decorations!” Esme cried. “Plus, there are so many sales, Victor. We can’t afford not to go shopping in Manhattan this time of year!”

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