Page 28 of Capturing Perfection

“I need you to know I have never placed the blame for your father’s sickness on you. You always have been and always will be my best friend. Now, you’re my lover and partner. Together, we will confront any future demons. Neither of us will be alone ever again.”

Clay picked at the comforter on the bed, and Logan knew something brewed in the man's brain. "What?"

"I want to ask you a question, but I know you've had a big day and … I'm not sure now is the time."

"Clay, you've practically put your entire life on the back burner to deal with my issues this year. The least I can do is answer a question, assuming I have an answer."

Clay sat up and faced Logan. He curled his legs up and wrapped his arms around his shins. Whatever Clay wanted to ask, the man was protecting himself from the potential answers. Logan swallowed and his pulse sped up.

"Is there someone out there we need to call? A teammate? A best friend? A … a loved one?"

Logan frowned. "What do you mean? You're the only man I've ever loved."

A tiny grin appeared on Clay's lips then disappeared. "But you've lived your entire adult life outside our bubble. You laughed, cried, cursed, and bled with a team of men and women I know nothing about. And I know I'm not the only man you've slept with." He raised his hand. "I'm not asking for your black book entries, or maybe I should say Grinder app swipe history. But you were gone for sixteen years. Surely you replaced me with someone? Someone who is worried about you? What about that guy who called me to say you were flying back to Georgia?"

Oh. Oh, fuck. Clay didn't know.

How was he supposed to know if you never told him? Youdipshit!

Logan took Clay's hand. "I didn't know him. When I landed at Ft. Benning, I stopped the first guy I saw and handed him a note asking him to call you and why. I'd been discharged. I had nowhere to go, and the idea of taking off into the world alone without being able to hear or support myself was more terrifying than facing you. So yeah, no idea who he was."

"I just assumed he was one of your team. He seemed really worried about you on the phone."

Logan shrugged.

"So where is your squad or platoon? Sorry, I'm not sure of the right words. The men and women at the station who are former military always talk about how close they are with those they served, even years later."

"In some sense, I suppose I'll always be a part of the Ranger family, but you have to understand at any point there are probably 1800 Rangers running around the world. It's like when we were at UMass. We didn't know all the people in our classyear. I was part of the 75th Ranger Regiment, 1st Battalion, D Company. There were 150 of us. You can break us down further into squads. Of the nine men and women of my squad … there's only three left, including me."

"Jesus," Clay whispered.

He looked at Clay. "One of the six killed that day … the day this happened," he said, pointing to his head. "Was Brian Adams. And yes, we gave him hell for his name. Brian is … was my best friend. My occasional lover. We had a friends with benefits sort of arrangement. And while nobody,nobodycould have ever replaced you in my life, Adams made it a little less empty. Now he's gone. They're almost all gone. And those that are left, have moved on with their lives. So to answer your question, no, there is nobody we need to call." He picked up Clay's hand. "You were the center of my world before I ran away, and I was lost for a long time, but I've found my way back to you. The men and women of your inner circle have become my new squad, and while I know there are days, it doesn't seem like it. Please know that I am so grateful for their friendship. Now that I can hear again, I hope I become a participant rather than just an observer to all your craziness. I miss that. I miss being part of a unit, a … a family."

Clay bounced into Logan's arms and kissed him. Logan tightened his arms around Clay and held tight. He closed his eyes and sighed. His head hurt. It seemed his brain was more out of shape than he’d thought. When Erin had told him earlier that he might want to take off the processors for a few hours, he’d figured she was nuts. Why would he want to take away the sounds he’d prayed for? But now, he felt his pulse in the back of his head and wanted nothing more than to close out the world for a little while.

Clay smoothed his hand over Logan’s head. “You’re hurting, aren’t you? Why don’t you take them off for a little while andrest? Thank you Logan. Thank you for sharing that part of yourself with me.”

Logan nodded and smiled. Somehow he felt lighter, having told clay about Adams. Clay slid off the bed. He dug around in the backpacks Erin had sent them home with, and grabbed the cases for his processors. Logan removed them from his head and handed them to Clay. The silence was immediate, and Logan's brain quit crackling. He observed Clay disconnect the batteries and set processors on the nightstand, then disappear into the bathroom. Logan lay back with his eyes closed.

A few moments later, the film of light behind his eyelids darkened. Clay’s hand landed on his shoulder, and he opened his eyes to find the curtains over the window shut. Clay stood beside him with a glass of water and two tablets in his palm. Logan took the painkillers and relaxed against the pillows. Clay crawled onto the bed behind him and gathered him close. Clay’s hand rested above his heart, and a soft kiss landed on the back of his neck. Slowly, his consciousness slipped away, and as he crossed over into the oblivion of sleep, a smile curved over his lips.

Chapter Twelve

Clay tilted back his head and inhaled the fragrant air of the first warm spring day. Around him Magnolia trees bloomed up and down Commonwealth Avenue. The crème and raspberry colors were a perfect foil for the brownstones lining the street in the Back Bay neighborhood.

He welcomed the change in seasons with open arms. It had been a long winter, and he was so ready for sunlight. He wanted to run without dirty snow slush splashing his sneakers, and he wanted to spend nights down on the waterfront eating ice cream cones, laughing at Logan’s lewd antics as he licked the cool treat.

Logan had recently returned from another mapping session with Erin and seemed to respond to the changes in his processor settings well. His progress in the five months since activation was astonishing. His last test scores showed Logan heard environmental sounds the same as someone with only a slight hearing loss and understood almost eighty percent of words using both ears. Besides the miraculous improvementsin Logan’s speech understanding, his lover’s dependency on the PTSD prescriptions had significantly reduced. Logan's anxiety seemed to ebb and flow, but was less pervasive and debilitating. He still had flashbacks and occasional nightmares, but Clay could say with absolute certainty that Logan was a changed man from the person he’d brought home a year ago.

He and Logan communicated with little difficulty at home. Every once in a while, he might ask Clay to repeat a word or his answer might be a little off from the original question. One afternoon, not too long ago, the two of them had almost laughed themselves to death at one such error…

Clay spied Logan come out of the bedroom and naturally his gaze zeroed in on his crotch. He smiled. "Hey baby, check your zipper."

Logan made a face at Clay. He’d turned toward the bedroom and scratched the back of his head. “Clay, I don’t have any slippers.”

He paused for a second then snickered. Clay closed in on where Logan stood, still looking confused. He slid his hand between the edges of the gap in Logan’s shorts and fondled his cock for a moment. He rolled the warm weight in his hand, and Logan moaned. The thick flesh stiffened and Clay placed a soft kiss on Logan’s lips. He pulled his hand out and Logan frowned. "I said zipper."

Clay’s cock twitched at the memory, and his foot pressed a little harder on the accelerator. Turning onto Arlington, he spied a car leaving a parking spot along the street. He zoomed his compact into the space with a move worthy of the best Hollywood stunt driver. He locked the car and dashed into the park.

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