Page 70 of Waiting for Sunshine

“Max, hey, what’s going on?” he asks, stepping in between us.

“Nothing that concerns you, Tank.” I bite out. He must see the red flashing in my eyes because he turns to face the guy behind him.

“Get the hell out of here man.” He nods to the guy, who scurries off in the other direction. “Care to tell me what that was about?” Tank asks, pointing in the direction the guy ran off.

“Nope.” I say as I walk back into the bar. People all around are staring at me as I make my way back behind the counter.

“Jesus man, you’ve gotta get it together.” Tank shakes his head following behind me. Some girl sitting at the far end of the bar pipes up in her low breathy voice.

“Wow, that was intense.” She says, smiling over at me. I cut my eyes her way, not giving her my full attention. “If you need someone to help you calm down later, give me a call.” She slides a napkin in my direction with her phone number written on it. I look at her fully now, her brown hair straight down and her bright green eyes staring insanely hard at me.

“No,” I say, taking the napkin and crushing it in my fist. She looks shocked and a little offended as she stands from the bar and walks out. I toss the napkin in the trash below me, then continue wiping glasses clean. It’s not her fault that there’s only one woman I would want to calm me down in a heated moment. The very same woman I would kill a man over.

“Wow Mullins, seems you have a bit of a chip on your shoulder.” A familiar voice calls from the opposite end of the bar. “She happen to be blonde, radiant, and approximately 2,000 miles away?” Lauren asks. What the fuck is it with everyone today? My jaw ticks but I ignore her question.

“What can I get you?” I ask, walking over to her.

“Margarita, rocks.” She answers. I begin making her drink as she sits quietly at the bar. The look on her face tells me the wheels in her mind are spinning, which is frightening. Taylor is loud and scary, but the quiet ones are the ones to truly fear. She finally sits up ready to let me in on whatever she came here to say.

“Look, I don’t typically poke my nose in places it doesn’t belong, but I am making an exception today." What is this, unsolicited opinions day?

"Lucky me,” I say dryly.

She narrows her gaze at me before sitting back on her barstool.

“You are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met if you think you did the right thing with Shane. That girl has been through shit this past year. You of all people should know that. She deserves to finally have something good in her life, something that makes her happy.” She says.

"That’s why I did what I did. She deserves that job more than anyone." I reply, pouring her drink and placing it in front of her.

"No… Well, yes of course she deserves it, but that’s not what I’m talking about." She lets out an aggravated sigh. "Look, Mullins. If you can’t see how absolutely sick in love she is with you, then maybe you aren’t the one for her. But I think you can, I think you can see it but won’t let yourself believe it. You were scared of losing her, so instead, you pushed her away. You broke her heart and sent her 2,000 miles away because that’s what youthoughtshe’d want. When what she reallyneededwas for you to tell her there was something worth staying for. Shane always talks about how brave and loyal you are, but it sounds to me like you had a big ass coward baby moment and probably lost the best thing that’s ever happened to you in the process." She sits there, staring at me while I let everything she said sink in.

“You done?” I ask, my exterior not giving away an ounce of how I feel inside.

“Yep. Just needed to make sure you knew you were an idiot.” She says as she tips her drink to me.

“Enjoy the drink,” I say, turning to walk back to my office.

“Oh, wait. I forgot one thing.” She says, pulling something from her bag. All I want to do is be alone, can she hurry the hell up with it?

“I was asked to return these to you.” She slides an envelope across the bar with my name written on it. I look inside and see the dog tags I had given to Shane before she left for San Francisco the first time for the art event. My jaw clenches and a cold chill falls down my spine. I look up at Lauren who is studying me like a textbook. She finally shrugs while giving me a knowing look. “Now I’m done.” She answers, taking another sip of her drink.

When I shut the door to my office, I pace the floor a few times before slamming my fist on the desk. I am pissed the fuck off at everything she just said. Not because she’s wrong, but because she’s dead fucking right. Except, I wasn’t being a coward. I reallydidthink that accepting that job was what Shane wanted. I didn’t want to hold her back and have her only stay for me. I didn’t want to see what would happen if she stayed for me and it turned out to not be enough for her in the future.

I realize now that I never knew true love until I met Shane. I have been afraid to open myself up to it because I’m afraid of losing someone else I love. When in the end, I’m the one that pushed her away. I thought I was doing what was best for her, that I was giving her what she really wants. Because that’s what you do when you’re in love with someone right? I sent her away because I wanted her to be happy, not because I didn’t want her. I guess I never took a second to think it’s a possibility, that being withmeis what makes her happy.

I would walk through fire for her, I feel like I can’t breathe when she’s not here. Every good thought I have includes her. I would kill anyone who dared to hurt her. But it turns out, I broke her heart and mine right along with it when I told her to go back to California. What kind of fucking idiot pushes away the only woman he’s ever been in love with?

If Lauren is right, if she is just as in love with me - or was before I fucked it all up, maybe I have a chance to get her back. To show her that I did what I did because I thought it was what she wanted. When I should have dropped to my knees and begged her to stay.

I should have told her everything I felt when I heard the offer for her to move back to San Francisco came out of Hugh’s mouth. I’ll be damned if I don’t even try. Before I can second guess my decisions, I pick up the phone and call Tucker.

“Hey man, I need your help,” I say as soon as he answers the phone.

“Everything alright?” he asks cautiously.

“Yeah, I just need you to watch Riley for a bit.”

“Oh. Alright man, bring her over whenever. If I’m not home she can hang out in the backyard.”

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