Page 71 of Waiting for Sunshine

“Thanks, Tuck.” I say before quickly hanging up the phone.

After ending the call with Tucker, I rush back out to the bar. Lauren is just finishing her margarita when I make it over to her.

“I need your help with something,” I say, her gaze narrowing on me.

“Alright, Mullins. Whatcha got?” she says, leaning into the bar.

CHAPTER34

SHANE

I’min the same room I used to paint in all the time before I left San Francisco four months ago. It took everything in me to get up and come to work that first week. I couldn’t stop crying long enough to do my makeup, so most days I came in with puffy eyes and waterproof mascara, trying to pretend I didn’t look like a grieving widow. When I finally got back into a groove of painting here, things started to get a little easier.

My mind spins nonstop most days, replaying what happened with Max. I will remember everything from the first day I met him, to the day he left me. He told me once how the first day he met me felt like seeing sunshine after a storm, ironic how a storm rages inside me every time I think of him now.

I could feel my heart breaking a little more every day that I spent in that town without him. Every place I went reminded me of him. The coffee shop, the gym, the bar. My whole life in Nashville has something to do with him. I decided to take the job after Max clearly ended things by returning my sweatshirt from his house. I couldn’t stay there if he didn’t want to see me anymore. Plus, I’d been fired so I was in need of a job.

I have never loved anyone the way I loved Max. I still love him. I’m so in love with him that the only way I could cope with the pain of losing him was to leave, just like he told me to. I wanted to scream and beg him to see that I really didn’t want to move back to California. I wanted to stay with him.

Even if it meant I worked at Chattahoochies for the rest of my life and never had art displayed in a gallery. My life completely changed when I met him. Every broken and grieving piece felt complete when I was with Max. I felt safe and protected, as if he would never let another part of me break. Until he broke them all.

When I walk out of the creative space, my headphones playing at a volume I thought could drown out my thoughts, I run straight into someone in the hallway, and I’m suddenly covered in ice-cold coffee. Is this ever going to stop happening to me? I look up and am face to face with the last person I ever expected to see. Maxwell Mullins just spilled my favorite coffee all over my white painting shirt.

“Dammit, Sunshine. We have to stop meeting like this.” He smiles a sad smile at me and I freeze in place.

I blink a couple of times trying to make the hallucination of him disappear, but alas, the coffee is still leaking into my bra, and the deep blue eyes I have fallen in love with are still staring back into my own.

“Max, what are you doing here?” I ask quietly, looking around.

“Can we, uh, go somewhere to talk?” he asks nervously. I shake my head and hold a hand out directing him into the room I just came from. The same place I have the rawest and most vulnerable in-depth painting I’ve ever done; sitting front and center.

The canvas on the easel that I hope will show him all the things I never got a chance to tell him. He walks in and freezes in place, staring directly at the painting. I hear a shaky breath come from him as he studies the canvas.

It depicts the story of my life, before and after meeting Max. There are a few happier moments from my childhood, like fashion shows I put on as a kid or the family game nights we used to have once a week, leading up to the day I lost my parents. The tragedy begins with the flipped car and the emergency room where I found out I had lost them both forever. I show the pain of being left to live my life without them, but how painting saved me.

It shows how my first relationship left me feeling like I wasn’t good enough, and that I believed I would never trust again. Then the part of my life where I am reunited with my three best friends. Where I meet Max, Ruby, Tucker, and Riley. Followed by the night of the robbery when Max not only saved me from the asshole in a ski mask but how he saved me from my own anxiety that same night.

I painted our night at Topgolf where I felt the freedom of riding on the back of Max’s motorcycle with him, and the day after when Max gave me the studio to paint in. My favorite part of the painting is the pool table where he finally let go of his grief, and showed us both how capable he is of love. There are moments of us in his kitchen together making breakfast with Riley waiting for the food fights that always guarantee her scraps on the floor. The Toaster Strudel he kept stocked in his freezer for me since I became a more than regular house guest.

The end of the painting is the day he broke my heart. Only in this depiction, I tell him how I would throw away every other dream I have ever had, just to have him in my life. I would leave the gallery and San Francisco and teach at the art center, painting only for pleasure if it meant I got to keep the man who finally showed me how I should be loved.

If I got to keep the person who protected me at all costs and made me feel things I never knew possible. Someone who quite literally did the one thing they vowed to never do - love someone and lose them again - just to let me chase my dreams. I would give it all up forhim.Because I am madly and deeply in love with him. Only that didn’t happen, he pushed me away and I had to start overagain, so I have no idea what he’s doing here now.

“What are you doing here Max?” I let out a deep breath trying to keep my voice steady. He turns to face me with tears streaming down his face, catching me completely by surprise.

“I came for you, Sunshine.” He chokes out. “Baby, I fucked up so much by letting you leave.”

“Youtoldme to go, Max. You didn’t let me leave, you basically bought me a ticket yourself then avoided me until I was gone.” I remind him, not hiding the pain in my voice.

He swallows hard taking a step closer to me, I glance up at him and he looks so hurt. The same sadness behind his eyes that I saw the first day I met him was back.

“I know I did, I guess I was being a coward when I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was doing what would make you happy, Shane. I didn’t want to be selfish with you and ask you to stay. I didn’t want you to stay because of me and give up this amazing opportunity, only to wonder what you missed out on later in life. So yeah, I pushed you away before you could leave me, or stay and resent me. If I could go back to that night though, I would be the most selfish I’ve ever been. I would drop to my knees and beg you to stay. I would tell you that I will do whatever it takes to keep you, that you’re mine, and that I will never let you go.

“I’d tell you that I will build an art gallery myself and give it to you if that’s what you want. Whatever it takes to have you stay with me. Because I am so in love with you, Sunshine. I feel like I can’t even breathe without you. It almost killed me the night I drove away from you. Leaving you on that sidewalk all alone was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I need you back, baby. Because if I’m being honest, I never really let you go.”

He looks desperate for me to say yes. Like if I tell him I’ve moved on, that I’m staying in San Francisco to run this gallery with Hugh, it might actually kill him. The whole time I’ve been out here all I have wanted was to know that it was killing him as much as it was killing me. That he didn’t really just give up on us like that. He’s finally fighting for the love he never thought he would allow himself to have, and I’m planning on fighting right alongside him.

“So, what, you think you can just show up in San Francisco with iced coffee and get me to come back home?” I look down at the now-empty iced coffee cup in his hand.

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