Page 37 of Everything We Left Behind

“Too public.” I took a hefty drink. Ice tumbled against my teeth. I set the near-empty glass down a little too hard and motioned for the waitress, ordering us another round. I moved my chair closer and leaned toward her ear so she could hear me. “Do you remember last December when I asked you to adopt my sons?”

She snorted a laugh. “You were pretty drunk.” I continued to peer at her and she stared back at me. “You weren’t serious?”

“Have you given it any thought?” We hadn’t broached the subject since. We avoided it like the shower incident.

“Of course not. Why would I adopt them when you’re perfectly capable of raising them yourself?”

I tapped my head. “A man with no past, remember?”

“It’s been over two years, Carlos, and you’re still you.”

“I have to take precautions.”

“You’d take your sons away from yourself? God, that barely makes any sense.” She combed fingers through her hair, holding the copper sheet off her face. “Do you still think you’re as much of an asshole as your brothers?”

“Yes.” How could I not be? I got myself into this situation, abandoned in another country. Then there was that story Aimee told me. I was appalled at my own behavior toward her. Who the hell does that?

Natalya let go of her hair and traced the rim of her glass. She didn’t look at me. “I know you and Raquel didn’t have much time together, but she couldn’t have picked a better man for her sons.”

“Is that all I am to you? Your nephews’ father?” I pushed my back into the chair, my mood souring to complement my drink. “A brother-in-law?”

Natalya blinked, stunned by my tone and the way I’d twisted the conversation. I hadn’t meant to ask that, not here, and especially not that way. But ... there it was, out there, hovering between us like grill smoke. I waited for her to take in the now-obvious fact I had feelings for her or fan it aside as you would when smoke burns your eyes. My heart beat furiously.

Rouge tinted her freckled skin, starting at her cheeks and all the way down to the swell of her breasts. My mouth went dry and I lifted my gaze. She narrowed hers, her cheeks flexing from clamping her jaw.Great. Now she’s pissed.I shouldn’t have said anything. She scooted back her chair and rose just as the waitress returned with our drinks.

My face tilted up. “Where are you going?”

Natalya slipped the bag over her head and shoulder. “I don’t want to talk about this now.”

“But you said—”

“Dammit, Carlos. You and James are the same guy.” She stomped away.

I swore, tossing down bills and tossing back the margarita, and went after her. She’d thundered up two blocks by the time I caught up. I grabbed her upper arm and swung her around. “Why did you walk out on me?”

She wrenched her arm free and glared. “Don’t you dare give up your sons. And don’t you dare give up on yourself. Think how angry you’ll be when you find out you gave them away.”

“How do I know I’ll even want kids?”

“Exactly. You don’t. I’m appalled you’re even considering it.”

“What makes you think this is easy?” I asked, steel in my voice. “I’m thinking of their safety. I’ll bet you, as James, I take them to California, right into the heart of that family that left me here.” I point at my side where the bullet trail that looks like a pale tire mark across my hip hides under my shirt. “My oldest brother tried to kill me. Do you want your nephews raised around people like that?”

“Don’t put it back on me. Don’t make me feel guilty about my opinion.”

I opened my mouth to object. It wasn’t my intent to pile on the guilt. I wanted only for her to understand my point of view. But she stopped me with a cutting glare. I held up my hands and retreated a step.

She cupped her hands along her temples, exasperated. “This is so confusing.” She sighed, defeated, and let her arms fall against her sides. She studied a crack in the concrete. “About your other question.”

“What question?”

“You are a lot more than a brother-in-law to me.”

Oh. That question.“Look, Nat, I didn’t mean—”

She met my gaze and the longing I saw in her knocked me over like a surfer, wiped out while riding down the wave face.

“Nat ...”

---