Page 59 of Doubts & Fears

“To do so will earn you immediate and severe consequences.”

I didn’t know what “severe” meant, but the way Autumn stiffened told me it wasn’t good. My stomach twisted. Maybe it was like getting disqualified or banned from a competition. More questions buzzed in my head, darting around like fireflies. What happens if we forget? What if it’s an accident? What if I just whisper?

No one spoke. No one moved. I tried hard but my body had other ideas. I nervously pointed my toes as he inspected our faces. Soon we were moving once more. He led us down a long corridor, the air smelled funny. Like old costumes, and not the good kind. The kind that made you sneeze.

At the end of the hall the room opened up into a huge space with a stage. “This is where you will perform.”

Istepped forward instinctively, heart leaping for just a second. Then, I got more confused. Rows of short benches like in a church sat opposite the stage, but they didn’t look right.

Where was the judging panel? Were the benches for the audience? My gaze darted around, searching for something that made sense. Nothing did. I swallowed hard as we moved again, past a dining hall with a long table and eight chairs, a classroom with four empty desks.

We didn’t spend much time there before he was moving again. Another long corridor led to a hallway with two doors on one side and two more on the other.

“These are your rooms,” the masked man said. “You will stay here when not in lessons or training. You will follow every rule without question.”

Each room included a bedroom, bathroom, and play area. Mine was decorated in a Swan Lake theme. It had a full-sized white bed with an intricate headboard with a swan carved into it. A sheer white canopy gathered at the top, then fanned out along the frame.

A set of lights in the shape of cherry blossoms outlined the canopy. The sheet set had ballerinas on them, and I had a pink quilted duvet. The wallpaper was light pink with swans. A chandelier hung above the play area, which included a vanity, a wall with a barre and mirrors, and toys for me to play with. It was beautiful in an eerie way.

A small table-and-chairs set doubled as a place to do homework and have make-believe tea parties. Empty picture frames hung on the wall—frames that would eventually be filled with artwork from Autumn. We were kept underground for twenty-two hours of the day, and for two glorious hours, we’d be allowed to play outside above ground.

The day everything changed started out like any other. We completed our general education classes, and the last class of the day was sex ed. We had a single Instructor for all of our classes. She was responsible for ensuring we learned not only the basics but also foreign language classes and sex training.

It would become the class I both loathed and longed for. It was the only class we were actually encouraged to talk freely in—within reason, of course. We were allowed and often encouraged to ask questions, we could giggle and talk without recourse.

We still couldn’t talk to one another, but we could make comments on what we saw or read. Outside of this class, we were to speak only when spoken to and had to wait for permission to do so.

I lovedhearing conversations, though. I didn’t have to be the one talking, but I was starved for the normalcy it brought into my life. My mother and father were always sociable and loved to talk.

Spoken words were as much a part of my love language as touch was, but we were deprived of touch on that level. Which, considering all things, was better than the alternative.

Our sex-ed class began in a basic manner. We were acquainted with both the female and male anatomy, as well as the functional aspects of each. And we were taught about puberty and hygiene. But nothing had been presented to us beyond that.

Until the day our instructor told us we were going on a field trip. “Today’s a special day,” she announced. “This is a new thing that will be added to your weekly activities. It’s important that you behave.” She looked at me particularly. I tried to be good, but sometimes I forgot.

“Come with me.” She led us down the dark corridor. “This room is new, having been built especially so that you can see aspects of what your life will be like up close and personal. Remember, it may vary depending on who wins you at auction.”

I still didn’t understand the significance behind those words. I doubt any of us did. Our futures hadn’t been explained to us fully at that point. We hadn’t even attended an auction yet. The other girls nodded at our instructor, but I chimed up, pretending I attended an elite spy school for girls as one of my coping mechanisms, and mumbled something about accepting your mission. I remembered it from a show Papa watched.

She opened the door, and we stepped inside. It was divided into two parts, separated by a curtained two-way mirror. She stood us in a row in front of the curtain. Today’s order was Autumn, Me (Spring), Summer, and Winter.

Standing next to them felt so normal. If I moved my hands, I could have easily touched both Autumn’s and Summer’s hand, we were so close. This room was one of the few places where we had that opportunity.

“Now, girls, in a minute, someone is going to be on that side of this curtain. You will see them, but they cannot see or hear you. Your mission, Spring, which you will accept, is to observe the fate of the individual. You will observe what happens and give a detailed report on anything you note. As always, questions are encouraged. This mission is for all of you.”

She gave me the closest thing to a smile, but it never reached her eyes.We quieted down, and she flipped a switch, then the curtains opened. A naked woman wasshackled to the wall on the other side of the room. The woman looked like she was screaming, but we couldn’t hear any sound, at least not yet.

The man in the room with her was the one who never wore a mask, the Collector. He stood still as she silently screamed at him. Her face was angry, her feet and arms secured wide apart. She was a full-grown woman like our instructor, not a child like us.

“What do you see?” she asked each of us girls.

We were never allowed to repeat the same thing as the season before us.Autumn went first. I paid close attention to what she said and prepared to go next.

Autumn said, “She looks scared.”

I spoke next. “She is furious.”

“She has hair down there,” Summer whispered.

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