Page 60 of Doubts & Fears

“She’s from the South,” Winter said, with the barest hint of an accent.

I didn’t know it at the time, but I’d learn much later while traveling through the Southern states with Owen that Winter probably hailed from one of them. The instructor flipped another switch, and sound filled the space.

The woman’s screams were loud. All four of us looked on in horror. Summer and Autumn put their hands over their ears, and Winter stared, her eyes glazed over.

She was screaming obscenities at the man, or at least I thought she might be. I wanted to tell her to stop. She was going to get hurt. But then I remembered she wouldn’t be able to hear me. Her bare breast heaved as she continued to yell at him.

The man spoke. “You can scream and curse, but all you’re doing is wasting your energy. You’re so far from civilization and so far underground that the only one who’ll ever hear you is the devil himself.”

She screamed and yanked the chains.

“Shh, don’t do that. You’re making things so much harder for yourself,” he mumbled to her. His fingers slid over her collarbone, down between her breasts, and further still. “Allow yourself to feel pleasure at my hands.”

“Don’t touch me,” she screamed. Her anger subsided, and the fear Autumn thought she saw became her new reality.

He continued to touch her intimately, and she fought him for as long as she could. In the end, she would succumb to his gentle touch. He only used his hands to touch her at first, but then he used his mouth.

By the time our instructor shut the curtain, we were all shocked. Seeing something like that shattered parts of us that still clung to childhood. For us, it was merely one step of the Mask’s master plan to destroy our innocence and to program us for our future.

“Now we’ll goback to your desks, and you’re to write a paper on all the things you saw, from beginning to end. No observation is too small. But before we go, I want each of you to say one more thing.”

“He touched her, and she liked it by the end.” Autumn’s voice was barely above a whisper.

“She hates herself for reacting to him,” I said, remembering the woman’s sobs.

“He was gentle with her. Nice, almost.” Summer’s voice startled me.

“He was very proud of himself,” Winter said. Even though her tone was flat, I picked up on the undercurrent of her meaning.

Observing people was something my father had trained me to do. I was always fascinated with them and behaviors, so with my father’s help, I developed a particular skill by the time I was eight years old. I was excellent at looking beyond what was right before my eyes.

“Very good observations. Does anyone have anything else they would like to ask or add?” She smiled like we had just seen how crayons were made.

None of us spoke. We were still in shock. She had, by this time, become familiar with my observation skills, and I should’ve said something simple when I spoke earlier because she zeroed in on me.

“I’m curious about your answer, Spring. I think I’d like you to elaborate on it a bit, if you don’t mind.”

It wasn’t an option for me not to answer, so I blurted out the noise in my head without thinking. The lingering feelings Winter expressed pushed me on.

“It may be true that he was gentle with her and that, by the end, she seemed to enjoy it. But he shouldn’t feel so proud. She said no. He didn’t give her pleasure. He took it. She felt anger, humiliation, and shame at her reactions. She shouldn’t hate herself, though. Instead, she should be very angry with him.”

My instructor glared. I was still naive at that point in my captivity and didn’t know the hell we would eventually see in this room.

“You’ll want to ensure you include that on your paper,” she said with a fake smile.

I didn’t know then that our papers were read by the Collector and the Mask, but by the end of the day, I would. Oh, how I would.

Chapter 19

Nikolai

A Lesson

My pulse still thrummed in my veins as I stepped into my darkened room, my senses tingling from the aftermath of our Death Squad work. The relief of the kill, and a heady rush of adrenaline that I had grown accustomed to over the years, pulsed through me like a living, breathing being.

For the first time in forever, we’d all headed straight home. I didn’t know who was more surprised, me or my brothers. It took some convincing on my part to reassure Alek I’d keep the beast under wraps tonight and not take advantage of Kinsley, but I’d done it. Now to keep my word and prove to myself I could.

With it being my first night with her, I was anxious to get home. Which was a foreign feeling and only added to the strangeness of the evening. Her confession about not wanting to be alone told me all I needed to know. The fact I’d upset her to begin with—that I was the reason for her emotional state, had my gut twisted.

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