Page 9 of Dead Ball Situation

“Oh my god, Sacha. I’m so sorry. Now I wish I hadn’t asked. I didn’t mean to make you relive all that.”

He was sweet. That was what Sacha couldn’t resist about him. He would never leave Sacha to run a family while barely out of culinary school. Bandit would never ask him to give up his dreams in a fight for a country that was no longer his. Sacha knew it wasn’t fair to be bitter, but he was. Artem and he had given up their lives, andthatwasn’t fair. Sacha couldn’t keep thinking about it. He pushed the hurt and anger from his mind to focus on Bandit.

“My turn. Have you and Baylor ever been more than friends? I’ve never seen two people closer.” Sacha kept his tone upbeat. He didn’t want Bandit to think he was jealous. Maybe a small part of him was, but not because they were friends. It was because he didn’t have anyone special the way they had each other. He felt Bandit shrug.

“Not really.”

His answer had a laugh bursting from Sacha. “Not really isn’t a no. It’s barely an answer. And after I poured my heart out,” he added, being ridiculous and hoping to lighten the mood.

Bandit chuckled as he linked his fingers through Sacha’s. “I mean, the two of us are closer than most, I guess. He used to sneak out or run away and stay at my house most of the time. His foster parents let it go on most nights since they got money from the state, whether he was there or not. We were typical friends growing up. He slept in my bed every night. My parents never questioned it. We were best friends. We did everything together. I’ve always been athletic, straight-presenting, I guess. They had no reason to think we shouldn’t spend every second together. Meanwhile, I held him all night while he slept or fell apart. It was like second nature.” Bandit paused for a second, as if unsure if he should continue. When he did, his tone never changed. He sounded like he talked about any memory. Like it wasn’t special. Just neutral. “There were nights when that comfort turned into more, but I think it was still just a soothing thing.” He sighed, sounding exasperated. “Truthfully, this is one reason I never really talk about our friendship. It’s hard to explain. He’s my other half. I truly believe that, but we are genuinely only friends. We probably could’ve gotten married right out of high school and lived peacefully together until we died, never regretting that decision. But I was content with only having my best friend with me all the time because I was so focused on my career. Then Baylor met Freddie.”

A pain sliced through Sacha at the name. Sacha had worked for Baylor since six months after he married Freddie. The pair had been amazing together and had the most beautiful child. Then they had died, and Sacha had been there to see that tiny casket and witness Baylor rage at the universe. It was something he could never unsee, and it was one of those horrible things that burned into the soul.

Bandit toyed with his fingers and kept talking. “He’s still the closest person to me, but I know our friendship is just that and he would’ve missed out on a lot if he had settled for peace.”

Sacha wondered if Bandit realized how much love was in his voice. He couldn’t stop pushing. “You know, everything you’ve said sounds a lot like love.”

“It is.” Bandit didn’t try to lie. Thankfully, he didn’t leave things there and rip out Sacha’s heart. “I love him more than anyone. It’ll probably always be that way, but it’s not the kind of love that I can really explain. We’re friends but almost also like family, but not family because that makes things weird.” He laughed. “I don’t know what I’m trying to say. He knows me better than anyone. That makes him important to me, but it’s not a passionate relationship. We’ve never seen each other that way. Not really.”

Oddly, it made sense. Sometimes people needed to forget reality to survive life. There had been times when Baylor and Bandit had given each other that, but it had only been an extension of their friendship. They weren’t in love. They just loved each other. There was a subtle yet huge difference.

“Have you ever had a Freddie or Chipper in your life?”

A bark of laughter made Sacha smile. “That’s two questions, but no. I’m just me.”

Sacha went up on one elbow. He had to see Bandit’s face. “What is this only me? What does that mean?”

Bandit tucked a strand of hair behind Sacha’s ear. He lingered, stroking its shell. “I’m not sure anyone looks at me like that. Like I said, I’m not exciting, I guess. There’s nothing about me that sets anyone’s soul on fire. No one is dying to see me so they can simply breathe the same air. There’s no one staring at me like they want to crawl beneath my skin and live there. I think I just wasn’t born with whatever that trait is that makes people desirable.”

For a moment, Sacha couldn’t decide if he was angry or sad. He didn’t understand how one person could be so blind. Either way, Sacha couldn’t let Bandit continue to believe that lie. “All that is complete nonsense. I want to see you just so I can breathe the same air. There’s definitely been way too many times I’ve stared at you and wished I could crawl beneath your skin. Or at the very least, have you notice me at all.” He lowered his voice, losing his courage, but he couldn’t stop. “My soul is very much on fire. You just scare the hell out of me. I don’t think I have much to offer, but I have everything to lose. Tell me what I’m supposed to do with that.”

Bandit took a shaky-sounding breath. “Keep seeing me. Give me a chance to take away the fear. For fuck’s sake, don’t tell me that shit and then walk away. How am I supposed to live with knowing I found what I want most and can’t hang on to it?”

Bandit was right. It was cruel. There was something between them, and it wasn’t just sex. Sacha didn’t truly believe they could make it, but he wasn’t ready to give up just yet. “I’m not walking away.” He just hoped he didn’t end up running.

Bandit rolled.

Sacha found himself beneath a hard man and all his fears scattered.

Bandit’s lips skimmed his. “Good, because my soul is definitely burning and I’m about to be beneath your skin.”

Goddamn. Bandit had no idea. He was already so deeply embedded in Sacha that Sacha would never shake him. That had never been the problem. The problem was how much this would hurt when Sacha’s responsibilities ruined them, and they would. Life never let him keep anything. He already knew this would be no different.

They had made love for hours. Bandit was sore, like he had spent the entire day at the gym. He knew he should go to sleep, but he couldn’t stop staring at Sacha. The soft way he breathed while he slept kept Bandit fascinated. He was beyond moved Sacha had decided to put his trust in him. Bandit would never jeopardize Sacha’s career. It didn’t matter how much his heart ended up shit-stomped. Sacha had the kind of responsibilities no one should have at their age. Plus, Bandit just wasn’t that guy. He didn’t like the way it felt to hurt people, and he had to live with himself.

A loud thump and a cry had Sacha shooting from the bed—like programmed to respond. He threw on a pair of shorts that waited on a reading chair by the door and was out so fast, Bandit’s mind didn’t have time to catch up. He rummaged for his jeans when crying reached his ears. Bandit pulled on the pants while following the sound. His footsteps slowed as the kitchen came into view. Artem and Bandit were both half-dressed and helping Baba off the floor.

She cried and swiped at her face. “I just wanted some water.”

“Did Dana not leave a glass next to your bed?”

Baba shook and looked beyond upset after her obvious fall. The brothers checked her over as if making sure she hadn’t broken any bones. Even though he didn’t think his presence would be welcome at such a difficult moment, he couldn’t do nothing.

Sacha eyed him wearing a closed expression as Bandit stepped around them and started opening cabinets until he found the glassware. “I’ll get your water if you want to head back to bed.”

Baba sniffled. She didn’t look his way as she said something in Ukrainian.

Artem barked out a laugh.

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