Page 12 of Booth

“It’s a big deal when the silverback has his first child.Then, after that, the naming is done.He’s supposed to do it before his family first, then before the troop second.That will be later in the month when the baby is three weeks old.Again, the dates are something that I’m not sure of, but I know that one to be right.Isn’t she the most beautiful little thing?”Dee asked if he’d ordered their stuff, and when he told her that he had, she mentioned having to get some wrapping paper for little girls, too.“I think that it was in the cart, too.I could be wrong, but I thought that we added it to the cart when we thought of the same thing last week.”

“I think you might be right.I remember that now.”She hugged him, and he hugged her back.“This is going to be so much fun.I’m glad that we got together with the others so we weren’t buying the same things.The little sleepers are going to look so good on her.I can’t wait until we can babysit.”

He thought it was funny that she thought that with both sets of grandparents in the house, as well as his mom and dad, too, that they’d ever get the chance to babysit.He thought that the little girl would be going to second grade or beyond before he’d ever get the chance to sit for his big brother.There were others ahead of him in line for that, too.

Gathering them all together in the same room, Amy looked like a queen sitting in the middle of their big bed.He’d never been in his part of the house before and thought it was a really nice bedroom.When his brother cleared his throat, he waited with the rest of them to hear what the little girl would be called.

“We had to work hard on her name.I just want you guys to know that we took her naming very seriously when we knew we were going to have a daughter.”He presented her to the room before smiling.“I’m so happy to announce that I have a daughter, and her name is Betty Bethanna Millicent Dixon.For short, we’re going to call her Anna.”There were cheers around the room.

Mom looked like she was going to bust; she was so happy to have the baby named after her and the other great-grandmothers.Grandma Simpson was so happy that they didn’t name her Bethy, which was her real name, but named Bethanna like she’d wanted to be named her entire life.Grandma Dixon was just as thrilled to have a namesake for her name, Millicent, and it had her calling little Anna her favorite firstborn.It was something that she said to them all at some point.He was her favorite fourth-born grandson with the name of Booth.He loved that she was going to keep that going for the next generation.

They walked hand in hand to their home.It wasn’t that far, but it was warmer tonight, so he was happy to have the nice weather to go home in.Tomorrow, he’d have to bring in pictures of the new baby so that everyone could be happy for the newly born child.He was just happy that he’d gotten to see her when he had.Babies he knew grew up entirely too fast not to take in the changes every day.

~*~

Dee was afraid of sex.She remembered the pain of her back and was afraid that sex would make it so that she was in pain again.She didn’t want that.Wanting sex, she hoped would prove her wrong about the pain, but she just didn’t know.It was the not knowing that bothered her the most.

“We don’t have to do anything.”She nodded, then shook her head at Booth.“I know that you’re nervous, I can almost taste it on you.But we don’t have to do anything at all until you’re sure.And I want you to be absolutely sure about this.”

“I’m afraid of it.”She let out a long breath that she felt as if she’d been holding forever, knowing that admitting it would be most of the battle she was having with herself.“Not of sex, but what it will do to my body.I mean, the hurt and pain are still so fresh with me.”

“I can understand that.We can take our time with making love and not have intercourse this time.We can certainly take our time with it.”She said she didn’t want him to hurt.“Hurt?I’ll only hurt if I hurt you, love.I’m not the one who is battling the fresh pain like you are.”

“I’ve heard that men who can’t have sex are in pain.Is that true?”He told her that he’d just make himself come, and that would help.“Have you been doing that all this time?Jerking off?”

She had no idea where her bravery was coming from, talking to Booth this way.She was usually so shy when it came to sex, and now was no different.But she didn’t want him to feel like she was never going to have sex with him.Just that she was afraid right now that it was going to be painful for the two of them.She looked into his eyes when he lifted her chin up so that she could see him.

“It doesn’t hurt me to go without you, love.I swear on my heart that I won’t hurt if you only have pleasure and not me.”She said that sounded like she was going to be selfish.“No, there is no reason for you to feel that way.We love one another, and this is going to work for us now.”

“I don’t know.What if I freak out at the wrong time?”He asked her what she meant by freaking out.“You know, freaking out when you’re about to enter me and I can’t do it.What will you do then?”

“I’d back off.I’d never force you into anything you didn’t want to do.”She said what if he was right at the point.“Look, we can go over everything that might happen until the sun comes up, but we won’t know anything until the time is right for both of us.I love you, Dee, and will forever.If this is something that you have feelings about right now, we can put it off until later, until you’re ready.”

“What if I’m never ready?”She didn’t mean to say that so loud, but once it was out there, she started to cry.“What if we live together for the rest of our lives and never have sex.What if I can’t get past this fear of hurting myself again ever?”

“Then we live together happily until someday, you’re ready.I believe that it will come to that, one day you’re going to be so ready that you jump my bones.I can’t not believe that you’ll be ready someday.And if you’re not, then you’re not.It’s as simple as that.”She shook her head at him and said it wasn’t that simple.“It is for me.Because I love you.”

He was giving up so easily, and she didn’t want that either.She didn’t know what she wanted, but him to be so calm about everything wasn’t it.Dee wanted him to be angry with her.Like she was with herself.For him to want to lash out at her, to tell her she was stupid.Because really, that’s how she felt.Stupid because she couldn’t have sex or even to make love to him because of this crippling fear.What she really wanted was for him to say to hell with it and make love to her anyway.So that if she hurt, she could blame it on him.But he was being too nice.Being much braver than she was.

He agreed to sleep with her still.They’d been sleeping in the same bed since the beginning of the school year.It hadn’t been that much of a hardship for her to want to be in the same bed as he was, but she found that she slept much better, longer, too.

When he got up in the morning to go to work, she would lounge around in bed for an hour just wondering what it would be like to have him make love to her.But her fear would get in the way, and she’d have to get up and take a shower to make herself feel like she could tackle the day.They’d been living together and married for six months, and not once did they have sex.

And it was all on her.

When they went to bed later that night, having not talked about sex for the last part of the evening, she wrapped herself around him in order to make him want to have sex with her.But all he did was curl his big body around hers until she was warm, and she fell asleep.That’s something that she had no trouble doing, and that was falling asleep while he was with her.It was a shame that she couldn’t do anything more with him than that, she thought.However, she was fearful of everything.

When she got up the next morning, Booth was gone, of course.He had a job that he loved, and she knew that he’d be there if she needed him.As soon as Betty came over for their morning cup of tea, she knew that if she didn’t talk to someone, she was going to explode.So the first thing she did when Betty asked her if she was all right, she came right out and told her.

“I’ve not had sex with your son yet, and I’m afraid that I’ll never be able to.”Betty put down her cup of tea and nodded to her.“You know that we’re not having sex?Did Booth tell you that and why?”

“He’s never said a word to me.But apparently, you need to vent.What’s the issue?I’m sure that there is something that is holding you two apart.”She told her everything from her injuries holding her back to her fear of pain coming back.She even told her how Booth was being too understanding and itwas pissing her off.“I see.You want him to do the deed, as it were, so that the decision is out of your hands.He won’t do it.Do you know why?”

“He said it’s because he loves me too much.”She got up to pace the big room they had been working in.“I love him as well, but I’m not sure how to start this.Or even if I can.I remember the pain in my back and legs, and I’m afraid…I use that word a great deal in conjunction with everything that I’m terrified to do.Walking very far.I can’t do it.What if I hurt myself again?I don’t even drive anymore, fearful of getting into an accident that will really break my spine, and I’m not able to walk again.”

“What did the doctor say to you when you told him of this fear you have?”She said she’d never brought it up.“Why not?He should know that you’re afraid of having sex, and he’ll be able to tell you if the fear is genuine or not.I know that Booth claimed you so you’d be healed.I think you need to talk to your doctor and have him tell you what your limitations are.Not that I think you have any, but that might be the first thing you should do.”

“I don’t know how to bring it up.”She said that she didn’t have that trouble with her.“Because I love you and trust you.I trust him as well, but…what if he tells me that I can’t have normal sex again?”

---