Page 124 of Let It Be Me

Aunt Teresa squeezes Mom’s hand. “We kept putting it off. And?—”

“Ikept putting it off,” Mom interrupts. “Life was so perfect, all of us together and you boys so happy. I couldn’t bear to risk changing that.”

She’s right. Life was perfect when we were kids. And suddenly I find myself wishing not that they’d told us years ago but that they’d never told us at all. Maybe life would still feel perfect.

“We had a chance to do the right thing—many chances—and we were too scared to take them. We never wanted to hurt you two, but now here we are.” Mom gazes up at me with round, tearful eyes. “I just hope that eventually we can be forgiven.”

Her eyes lock on mine, full of hurt and asking for the kind of forgiveness I don’t want to give her. How can I forgive something I don’t understand? But without warning, I think of Ruby and I have to look away. Maybe in some small way, I do understand. I kept a secret from Ruby because I was scared of what would change. And even if I did it to protect what we had, I hurt her more than the truth ever could have.

“That was a complete waste of time,”I mutter to Anthony as we sit across from each other at the old greasy spoon in Lakeside. When he doesn’t lift his eyes from the laminated menu, I look at him. “Wasn’t it?”

He shrugs. “I guess. I don’t know.”

“I mean, they just told us nothing. Their story is that it was too hard to be honest, so they weren’t?”

“That about sums it up. So you coming to the block party Labor Day weekend?”

“That’s the last thing I want to think about right now.”

He shrugs. “Hey, they took the mushroom Swiss burger off the menu.”

“Dude, what the fuck are you so chipper about?” I demand. Even the idea of food is repulsive. I knock the menu I haven’t touched across the table.

“I’m not chipper.” The corners of his mouth turn up.

“You’re literally smiling right now,” I say irritably.

He shrugs. “Don’t take this the wrong way, okay? But the fact that you’re this upset about what our parents did ...”

“Makes you happy? Real nice, Ant.”

“No, I mean the fact they did this to both of us, not just me. And the fact you’re struggling with it. When I found out, my world just about blew apart. Here I thought Mr. Perfect would take it all in stride when he found out. Turns out you’re an angry mess just like I was.”

“Was?”

“Yeah. I had my freak-out and I think I’m over it. Guess I’ll see you on the other side.”

I stare at him, the words in my brain fighting for space on my lips. He’s happy I’m in the same shitty place he was in years ago? He’s a total asshole. And he’s right. I pick up my menu and shake my head. “You’re a dick.”

He smiles. “Yeah. And we share half our DNA, brother.”

After he orders, he asks me about my shoulder, how practices are going, what our season is looking like. It’s the first time I can remember him asking about my life as a college football player. I watch him eat, snatching a few fries off his plate, and in a bizarre contrast to the weirdness of the day’s events, our conversation is as normal as it’s been in years. No passive-aggressive comments, no simmering anger. And for once Anthony carries most of the conversation.

When we’ve covered football and Ant’s girlfriend and his job and Ruby, there’s a minute of silence before he says, “You know,when you were born, they were only a year older than you are now?”

I did know that, but it’s wild to really think about.

“And then a year later, I came along. Can you imagine that? Two years from now having two babies?”

I make a noncommittal noise. “Birth control is a thing.”

“Yeah, but . . .” He shrugs.

“So you just forgive them?”

He snorts. “No.”

“Then what? They kept our own story a secret from us.”

---