Page 76 of Revealing Mark
His eyes were fixed on me. “Some things aren’t meant to be.”
I fought against the invisible restraint. “No, no.”
I was losing him, we had fought so hard to be together but it hadn’t mattered. His image began to fade and I cried out but nothing I did made any difference.
I shot up in the bed, covered in sweat and shaking.
Mark sat up beside me, still half asleep. “You okay?”
My throat constricted, my emotions still riding high from the vivid nightmare.
He touched my back gently. “I think you were having a nightmare.”
I turned to him and put my hand to touch his chest. He was solid beneath my fingertips. Relief flooded through me and I had a reprieve from the dream that had me tightly gripped in its memory.
He covered my hand with his and I looked up at him.
“You want to tell me what you were dreaming about?”
I shook my head. I was still reeling from the real life feeling of losing him and I wasn’t ready to talk about it.
“I’m sorry I woke you up.”
He pulled me closer and I leaned my head against his shoulder. “I don’t mind. I like being reminded you are here with me.”
I hugged him.
“You sure you’re okay?” he asked, and I loosened my hold on him slightly. I nodded against his skin.
He shifted me away from him slightly. “For this to have a chance of working, we need to be honest with each other.”
I bit my lip. He was right but it still didn’t make me want to open up about my insecurities. I was no dream specialist but even I could tell my fears were coming out in my dreams.
After going through so much, we were finally together but I couldn’t help feeling it wouldn’t last. Was it my pessimistic nature or was it something else that was nagging at my subconscious—something I didn’t want to see?
“I couldn’t find you,” I admitted, feeling uncomfortable with telling him that.
He felt something for me but we both knew my feelings for him were stronger. I loved him. If this didn’t work out, I would be the one to take the biggest hit.
“You want to tell me what this is about?” he asked gently.
“I think I’m feeling a little insecure, that’s all.” He would never know how much it had taken to admit that out loud to him.
He sighed and I held my breath. “I want to tell you this will work out but none of us could say that with any surety. We just have to take it one day at a time.”
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear but at least he was being honest, even if it still made me anxious.
“What I can tell you is I’ve never before felt the way I do about you.” His hand threaded through mine. “There’s a lothanging in the balance but I would never have risked it if I didn’t feel this would be worth it.”
That lifted my heart and I felt a little reassured. At least he wasn’t just saying things to make me feel better, and I appreciated his honesty.
CHAPTER TWENTY
I should have been happy but I wasn’t. Being with Mark fulfilled every single teenage fantasy I had nurtured over the years, but I couldn’t completely throw myself into how I felt about him. He had trust issues and I was afraid that no matter how he felt about me it wouldn’t be enough for him to open up.
I was keeping myself from totally losing myself in him for fear of the pain if it didn’t work out. I was either being cautious or a coward. I was debating which one when my telephone rang.
It was my dad. I didn’t immediately answer. Why was he calling? I let it ring, unable to bring myself to take the call. When it stopped and silence descended, I waited to see if he left a message, but he didn’t.
