Page 59 of Loving Taylor
"Yeah."
My curiosity got the better of me in that moment and I climbed the stairs on a mission to uncover what Taylor was hiding. I wasn't trying to go against her wishes, but I felt that knowing everything would help me understand her and help keep her safe. She'd been drugged and if it hadn't been for me, God knows what would have happened. As soon as I got to my laptop, I started searching the web. I searched her name and it didn't take me long to find the news articles.
My blood ran cold and I felt the horror come alive inside of me as I read the details of her parents' death. After nearly half an hour, I knew enough and closed my laptop. She'd lied about her parents dying in a car accident. It also explained why the cop had recognized her name. I rubbed my hands over my face as I contemplated what to do next. There was a pain in my chest at the thought of what she'd been through and I knew I had to see her.
She'd probably be mad when I told her what I knew, but there was no way I would be able to look at her without thinking about it. It would come out eventually.
My eyes scanned the crowds as I walked to my first class of the day. I was on edge. I had spent so much time going over and over what I had discovered about Taylor's past. My stomach twisted and I stopped for a moment. It made me physically sick when I thought about what had happened to her.
My guilt only worsened it. I drew in a breath and released it.Get your shit together, I told myself. I couldn't let on to what I had done until I had a chance to own up in private. I had made my decision and I would have to face the consequences of the choice I had made.
I couldn't see her anywhere and I was going to be late if I didn't get to my class. I was hoping to at least arrange a meeting with her. The sooner I got it over with the better. I knew there was a chance she might not be able to forgive me. In her shoes I didn't know if I would forgive me.
I raked a hand loosely through my hair. I'd really messed things up. My curiosity had gotten the better of me. It hadn't crossed my mind until her brother had shown up on my doorstep and warned me off. But I couldn't blame him. It had been a factor, but I had been the one to snoop into her past.
I don't know what I had been expecting but it had been worse than any scenario that had ever crossed my mind.
Knowing what happened gave me insight and some understanding into why she was the way she was and it explained why she had fought so hard to keep it a secret. Just thinking of how I had betrayed her trust made me feel even more like the asshole I was.
Every hour that passed only made me feel worse. I just wanted to get it over with so I could face the consequences head on. The fear that she might not be able to forgive me stayed with me the entire time.
She had been unexpected and so was my attachment to her.
There was no more trying to talk myself out of what was going on. We had connected not just in a physical way and I was struggling with that connection that made it impossible not to think about her.
With everything going on in my head I barely made it through my classes. By the end of the day I felt drained, not just physically but emotionally as well.
Like I had for most of the day I looked for her as I left my last class. But there didn't seem to be any sign of her. Had she taken time off? It was a possibility.
Then I saw her. I stopped. The sight of her hit me right in the middle of my chest, making it harder to breathe. This time she looked more vulnerable than before. I was sure it was her secret that made her seem so much more fragile. It only made me feel all the more protective of her.
Her eyes met mine. Could she see I was hiding something? Was she able to read it in my eyes?
The moment was broken when I noticed a guy standing just behind her with his gaze fixed on me. The sight of him got my back straight up. He was tall with light brown hair with touches of blond. His eyes met mine. He was dressed in jeans with a black shirt.
I frowned. Who the hell was he?
There was only one way to find out. I walked to her, determined to come clean and face the repercussions. The slight pain in the middle of my chest reminded me that there was more at stake than I was prepared to lose. I refused to allow the thought to take hold. I had to believe she would be able to see the true intentions behind my actions.
My steps faltered slightly when I looked to the stranger still standing behind Taylor, who was making it clear he was with her. I didn't like that one bit. I pressed my lips into a thin line as I forced myself to face her head on.
I was no coward. I had made the choice and now it was time to lay it all out in front of her to see what happened. But not here and not out in the open. There was no way I was going to broach the subject in public.
When I reached her, I looked at the guy still standing just behind her to one side before moving my attention to her.
"Who is he?" I asked, not beating around the bush.
"Matthew, Sin, Sin, Matthew," she introduced.
I didn't want a name. I wanted to know who he was to her. The tight hold I was exercising over my anger was loosening. I let my gaze sweep over the guy, sizing him up. Then I remembered what was more important and I looked back at her.
"I want to talk to you," I told her. My tone was as tense as I felt.
I wasn't in control of the situation and I didn't like the uncertainty of not knowing how this was going to unfold. There was a chance this was going to blow up in my face and there would be no way to save it.
Our last meeting and the way it had ended didn't count in my favor either. This was bad. I had pushed her to open up and she had refused. How was she going to feel when she found out I had looked her up on the internet?
"I'm not sure I want to talk to you," she told me. I didn't blame her. My eyes searched hers and I took her smaller hand into mine. It felt good to touch her, reinforcing the physical connection we had. I saw her eyes soften slightly and I tried to block out the third wheel watching our interaction.
