Page 80 of Breaking Matt
"You'll use him and when you're bored you will move on to the next one."
The only thing was that with him it had been different. There had been more. He'd been the only one to touch me in a way that had opened me up, and before I had realized it, it had been too late. I loved him.
"So why not let me play?" I said seductively, needing to inflict the pain I was experiencing back on him. "I need something to keep me busy."
He walked closer, backing me up to the wall behind me.
His eyes darkened as he pressed his lips together. His hand wrapped around my uninjured wrist.
"I'm warning you," he threatened. He leaned closer.
I swept my tongue across my bottom lip, knowing exactly what the little gesture would do to him. He might not care about me anymore but he was a red-blooded guy and I knew exactly how to get what I wanted.
His eyes dropped to my lips and his hold on my wrist tightened, proving he wasn't unaffected.
"What are you going to do if I don't listen?" I whispered, feeling my blood heat in my veins. I remembered what it felt like to have his lips against mine, his hard body pressed against mine. I felt a shiver of anticipation.
His mouth covered mine, taking me by surprise. There was no resistance as his mouth savaged mine. It was unlike any kiss we had ever shared before. This was hot and hard.
His lips bruised mine with their pressure but I gripped his shirt, not wanting him to stop. He pushed me against the wall. His hands moved to my hips and pulled me close. There were so many reasons to stop what was happening between us, but I had no willpower.
I was addicted to him and, like a drug addict, I was powerless to resist. There was only a need to get as close to him as possible. My senses were surrounded by his smell and touch and were going wild. My breath was ragged when his hands dug into my hips. I was sure there would be bruises later but I didn't care.
He abruptly pulled away, leaving me struggling to keep myself upright. His breathing was ragged like mine; there was no mistaking the effect I had on him. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand as he stepped back. That stung. The disgust was evident in his eyes as they held mine. He wasn't even trying to protect my feelings. This was so unlike the Matthew I had known before.
He turned and without another word left the study.
The sound of the door slamming lifted my heart. I had gotten to him—and that was something I could hold on to.
Chapter Twenty-Four
For the nextcouple of weeks, Matthew kept his distance. I don't know how he did it but I didn't see much of him at all.
Just thinking about the last time we had spoken in the study made me touch my lips. They'd felt a little bruised but the intensity of the kiss had left my knees trembling afterward. He was different, and our physical reaction to each other had not been the same. It felt like somehow our roles had been reversed. I was the one with feelings and he was the one trying to fight it.
Pining for someone like I had for the last couple of weeks wasn't like me. I was about to bite my nails, but I stopped myself. Mark's constant reminders about my bad nail-biting habit had finally started to sink in. Or maybe it was that no one had tried to kill me in the last three weeks.
The longer it had gone without another attempt on my life, the safer I felt. Did I dare to hope Nick had given up trying to kill me? Mark was convinced he was biding his time, waiting for the right time and opportunity.
And trust me, there hadn't been any. I'd been holed up like a prisoner and being confined to the property was starting to drive me crazy. I wanted to be able to go out and walk in the crowds without being afraid. I wanted to go back to college. Being restricted wasn't my idea of fun and the absence of Matthew in my life only compounded the issue.
I would catch a glimpse of him talking to my father here and there, but he always ensured I never had the chance to corner him. It was frustrating and the hurt I was experiencing was only eased by the fact that I was convinced he still felt something for me despite his words.
Today I was determined to act like a normal girl my age. I couldn't leave the property, but there was stuff I could do around the house.
It had been warm and I decided to go for a swim. I went through some of my swimsuits and I smiled when I saw a racy red bikini I'd bought. It hadn't been bought for functionality, but for making a statement. I had no idea if Matthew was even around today; but if he saw me in this I knew it would be harder for him to resist. I was playing with fire and the thought of being burned only excited me.
I would take anything I could from him; the indifference was torture. I had tried to distance him from me to keep him safe but it hadn't worked. Being around him as nothing more than a person who needed to be protected was hurting me.
For his own safety I had been willing to give him up but he had been determined to stay in my life and there was nothing I could do to stop him. Having him around made it more and more impossible to stay away. He was the flame and I was the moth determined to get as close as possible no matter the pain that would result from it. I wanted him to hold me close, like he used to. That warm fuzzy feeling I would feel when he pressed a kiss to my forehead made me feel adored.
I slipped into the bikini, taking a quick survey of the tiny material that just barely covered the necessities in the mirror, and I knew it would be enough to attract Matthew's attention.
The house was quiet. My father had gone into the office and my mom was visiting one of the neighbors.
"Is that a bikini?" Mark asked, watching me descend the stairs.
"Yes," I said with a confident smile.
