Page 79 of Breaking Matt
"Would you be able to identify him?"
It was a moment in time engraved in my memory because of the fear I had felt at that exact second.
"Yes."
I had the hope that somehow being able to identify the guy would lead to a link to Nick, and it would be enough to put him away.
Later that dayafter giving the cops a statement and going through some photos, we had been unable to link the guy I had seen to Nick. I looked out the window and across the lush gardens of my parents' estate.
The only feeling I could describe was sadness. It felt like no matter how hard I tried I would never be able to escape the situation I was in. Was it only of a matter of time before they got it right and took my life?
I started biting my nails.
"You need to stop that or you won't have any nails left," a voice said behind me. I turned to look at Mark over my shoulder.
"Biting nails doesn't seem so bad compared to a psychiatric ward." I shrugged.
He came to stand beside me.
"I feel like I'm stuck in limbo, in constant fear of what's going to happen," I murmured. I felt his eyes on me. I don't know what was making me reveal my innermost thoughts to him. "I just want it to be over with."
"I get it," he said from beside me, looking back out the window. "I wish I could tell you it will end soon, but I would be lying."
I nodded, and we stood there, silently looking out the window. A minute later, I heard a sound by the door.
"Am I interrupting something?" Matthew asked. His voice was laced with anger.
"No." I turned to face him. Mark looked between the two of us and made an excuse before leaving the room. I crossed my arms as I faced Matthew. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it as our eyes met.
"Keep away from Mark," he warned, pushing off the door.
I frowned. "That's a bit difficult when he's my bodyguard."
His eyes glittered with anger and I had the urge to make him lose control and lash out at me in some way.
"You know what I mean," he told me curtly as he stopped in front of me.
I looked up at him. "You don't get to tell me what I can or can't do."
The pull of the attraction was hard to fight even though I didn't want to feel it. And he had made it clear he had washed his hands of me.
"Don't play games with me," he said tightly.
He was dressed in a suit. It was strange and sexy to see him dressed more formally. I had the urge to slide my hands up his chest and grip his collar while I kissed him. Mentally I shook the thought away.
"I don't have time for jealousy," I said sharply, without thinking. Once the words were out of my mouth I realized I'd said it to get a rise out of him.
My mind told me to stay away from him but my heart needed to know he still cared.
He gave me a hollow laugh. "Is that what you think this is?" he asked.
I kept quiet.
"I'm not jealous." His words felt like a blow to my chest and it burned. "I know you."
His eyes held mine, like he was seeing right through me down to my inner self. "You're looking for another distraction, someone to toy with to pass the time."
I swallowed, trying to keep him from seeing how much his words affected me. The person he was describing wasn't me anymore. I'd changed.
