Page 99 of Breaking Matt
My hands felt sweaty so I dried them off on my jeans. Not only was I unsure of what was going to happen with Matthew, but now I would have to do it with Mark around.
With each step I had the urge to turn around, but I was determined and focused on putting one step in front of the other as I followed Mark. We entered the building and decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator. I counted the apartments until Mark stopped outside the door marked "10."
You can do this, I told myself as I felt my mounting fear. There was so much on the line.
Mark looked back at me for a moment as if he was giving me one last out, but I gave him a nod. I couldn't go on like this anymore. Good or bad, I had to know.
He knocked and stepped back. A few moments later I heard some activity inside and the door opened. And there he stood. Tall and handsome. I swear I felt my heart miss a beat. He still had that effect on me.
No hello, no smile. I swallowed.
He looked good dressed in jeans and a shirt, one that clung to his lean build—and despite my array of emotions I felt that familiar attraction to him.
"What are you doing here?" he asked Mark tersely before his eyes went to me. I frowned at his distant tone.
"We need to talk," I said, stepping forward.
When Matthew's gaze went back to Mark, he shrugged. Matthew studied me for a moment before he stepped aside and allowed me inside.
"I'll wait outside," Mark said.
The apartment was neat and only sparsely furnished. He closed the door and I wandered into the spacious living room. I didn't even think about sitting down on the inviting leather sofa.
The atmosphere was uncomfortable, and Matthew looked at me expectantly.
"What did you want to talk about?" he asked. His tone was unfriendly and stiff.
Had I been wrong to confront him? Should I have just accepted whatever we had shared was over? But here I was. There was no changing my mind now. Here it was. The moment everything was hanging on.
I gave him my attention as he stood on the opposite side of the room. He shoved his hands in his pockets. Was it so bad he had to stand that far away from me? I wet my lips as I struggled to put what I was feeling into words.
"Why are you avoiding me?" I asked, trying to suppress the feeling of being abandoned by him.
I searched his eyes, looking for anything to see what he was thinking, but his features were void of any emotion. I shifted slightly when I didn't get a reply. The only reaction was his jaw tensing slightly.
"I need to understand what happened between us." Feeling more vulnerable, I linked my hands in front of me.
"You were there," he said tersely.
This wasn't going as well as I had hoped. I had the urge to leave before I made a bigger fool of myself.
"Don't make this harder than it needs to be," I said, frowning at him.
He pressed his lips together while his eyes were fixed on me. "You've never made it easy for me."
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Do you know what you're sorry for?"
I nodded. "I hurt you when I left you at the hospital."
"Yes, you did." The heaviness in his voice made me feel worse.
"I did it to protect you. When you got shot...the reality of my situation hit home. You could have died. I couldn't risk that happening again." For a moment I hesitated, fearful of how he had the power to hurt me, but I was willing to put everything on the line. "Leaving you was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do."
His eyes held mine. "You shut me out of your life. It was my job to protect you," he said. "What do you want? Do you want me to tell you I forgive you? Fine. I forgive you."
The anger that flared in his eyes made his words empty, but that wasn't what I had come for.
