Page 47 of Breaking Matt
"Matthew."
When I remembered what happened in the dream, I threw my arms around him, pulling him so close, needing to assure myself he was okay—letting reality sink into my mind, which was still reeling from the horrid nightmare.
"You...w-were..." I couldn't finish the sentence. If I spoke it out loud it would make it more real.
"I'm okay," he assured me, hugging tightly.
I pulled away and in the darkness I moved my hands over his chest to make sure there was no injury. There was no wound bleeding his life source from his body. The dream had felt so real that I could still feel the blood covering my hands. I felt relief flood through me, leaving me breathless. It had felt so real.
"It was just a nightmare," he told me softly. I nodded shakily. In my dream he'd died, and that wasn't something I could shake off easily.
Afterward, Matthew held me, but I couldn't stop the image of his dead eyes staring up at me. Fear shivered through me.
It had been a dream—but he was my bodyguard and there were bad people after me. His job was to protect me with his life. Had my subconscious brought my deep-seated fears into my dreams? Matthew lay behind me with his arm around my waist, holding me close. My hand rested on his arm, I found that the small action reassured me he was still alive and beside me.
The attack on Courtney had made me fear what could happen to Matthew. The people who were after me were real and they wouldn't mess around. Just remembering how badly Courtney had been beaten left me with no doubt they would kill to get to me.
It had all become so real.
I wanted to ignore the thought, but I couldn't. If they came after me and Matthew got in their way, there was no doubt in my mind now that they would kill him. Just the thought of it made me remember the heart-wrenching pain that had felt like it was tearing me in half. That pain wasn't something I could deal with.
Matthew went back to sleep. His deep, regular breathing was comforting. Remembering the last breath he'd taken in my nightmare had been the worst sound ever.
I remained wide awake. Later I crept from the room as quietly as I could so I didn't wake him. I made myself a cup of coffee and I sat down in the kitchen, trying to figure out how I could stop my dream from becoming a reality.
It wasn't long before I heard footsteps enter the kitchen. I looked up to see Matthew standing in the doorway. He looked so effortlessly gorgeous with his messy bed-hair and his sweats hanging low on his hips. My eyes swept over him and I felt the pull he held over me. The physical attraction I felt mingled with my love for him.
"Did you get any more sleep?" he asked, walking to me. I shook my head, still holding my mug with both hands.
He pressed a kiss to my cheek and I felt a flutter of my attraction to him. Even with my heavy thoughts it was hard not to respond to the way he made me feel with one intense look.
"What did you dream about?" he asked with a slight look of concern on his face as he scanned my features.
I didn't want to be reminded about my nightmare. Even hours later it was still hard to think about. When I didn't answer, he lifted my eyes to his with his finger to my chin. I put my mug down.
"It really freaked you out," he said, a crease forming in his forehead.
I pulled away from him, needing to distance myself from him. I turned my back to him while I gripped the kitchen counter.
"Don't shut me out," he said, standing behind me. He was so close I could feel his presence. "Talk to me."
He reached for me and turned me to face him.
"Tell me," he said firmly. His eyes held mine.
"You died," I whispered, feeling the emotions I'd felt when the moment had played out in my nightmare.
Understanding spread through his features.
"It was just a nightmare," he reminded me. He wrapped his arms around me, and I held on to him. I wanted him to be able to wipe the horrors from my memory, but he couldn't. The dream had tapped into my subconscious thoughts that had been planted by the attack on Courtney.
Just thinking of her made the guilt fill me. It was my fault she'd been attacked and I was struggling with that. No one I cared about was safe, especially not the bodyguard I'd fallen for. What had happened to Courtney was only the beginning.
I leaned my head against his chest while he rubbed my back gently. In my mind I was already making the decision to keep him from getting hurt. I would never be able to live with myself if something happened to him while he was trying to protect me.
Chapter Fifteen
Ipushedmy decision to the back of my mind. My fear made me want to get as far away as possible from Matthew but my heart wouldn't let me let him go. I'd struggled with what to do, going around in circles, unable to make a choice.
