Page 48 of Breaking Matt
The selfish part of me wanted me to hold on to him with both hands and never let him go, but the part of me that loved him and wanted to keep him safe made me want to push him away, so he wouldn't get hurt.
The choice was hard.
The guilt of Courtney's attack stayed with me as we went to the hospital the next day. I had to mentally prepare myself before I could face her again. To see her bruised face and know I was the reason why she looked how she did was a lot to contend with.
"You okay?" Matthew asked me when I hesitated for a moment before we entered the hospital.
I nodded my head, trying to keep the guilt from overwhelming me. The slight pressure of his hand on the small of my back gave me the courage to walk into the hospital.
Mark was in the waiting room when we arrived.
"How's she doing?" Matthew asked him.
He shook his head, and I felt my blood run cold. Why was he shaking his head?
"She doesn't remember anything about the attack," he clarified when he saw my horrified expression. What did he mean she didn't remember anything? Just the day before they had given her a sedative to knock her out because she'd been so hysterical.
Matthew frowned.
"How's that possible?" I asked, not believing that the attack could have been forgotten overnight. Had she bumped her head?
"Sometimes when someone is experiencing a traumatic event that they can't handle," Matthew began to explain, "it's easier for the mind to block it out than to try and deal with it."
I needed to sit down. Matthew steered me to a seat and I sank down in it. I rubbed my temple, trying to pull myself together.
Matthew and Mark talked beside me while I took in the news. Then a thought popped in my mind.
"If she can't remember the attack, how do we know who did it?" I asked, feeling helpless.
"I got the hospital surveillance tapes, but I can't get a clear shot of the guy's face," Mark told me. That was no help at all.
"Do you actually know who is after me?" I asked, needing to give a face to the person who wanted me dead. This time my eyes were on Matthew. They shared a look before Matthew turned to face me. His expression wasn't a good sign.
"Yes," he answered, and I waited for him to elaborate. "We can talk about it once we've been to see Courtney."
The only reason I agreed to delay the talk was that I didn't want to get all worked up about it just before seeing my friend.
"Okay," I agreed.
"Her family is with her at the moment," Mark added, looking down the passage to where her room was located.
"Get someone to cover for you," Matthew instructed Mark. From what I'd gathered they ran their own security company with a handful of other bodyguards. They were probably going to get one of them to watch over Courtney so Mark could have a shower and get some sleep.
"I'll call you later," he said before he gave me a brief nod. He left and I turned my attention to Matthew.
"This is so messed up," was all I could say. My friend had been attacked because of me and it had been so bad she'd blocked out the memories. I couldn't imagine going through something like that, and it made it even more difficult to build myself up to face her.
We waited another five minutes in the waiting room to get a chance to see her—and then her parents walked into the waiting room.
"Mrs. Young," I said as I stood up to embrace her mom. Her mom hugged me. Her father gave Matt a brief nod before he gave me a hug of his own.
"She doesn't remember what happened," Mrs. Young told me.
"It might be for the best," I said, trying to look at the good side of forgetting her ordeal. Seeing her hysterical had been difficult. If forgetting the memory made it easier for her to handle it then I was all for it; although I was pretty sure she couldn't suppress it indefinitely. There would be a time it would come to the surface and I worried she wouldn't be able to cope with it then either.
"We don't have any idea what happened or why?" Mr. Young asked. The stress had made him look well beyond his age.
I looked to Matthew, unsure of what her parents had been told. I didn't want to say anything in case I revealed something I shouldn't. Matthew shook his head. I wanted to be honest with them and take responsibility for what had happened to their daughter—my friend—but I bit my lip and followed Matthew's lead.
