Page 57 of Rock Star

While he cooked, we reminisced about the food we’d eaten on the tour, and dinner was ready before I knew it. We took our plates and glasses out to the table on the deck and sat facing each other, talking about the album while we ate. ChiMera would record twenty tracks, apparently, then vote to choose twelve for the final cut. I told Axel how much I loved the song we’d worked on in the studio earlier, and he said he’d written a new one he wanted to sing for me after we’d finished eating.

We were skirting around mentioning the elephant in the room… what had gone down in Glastonbury. We’d get to it eventually… it was inevitable.

He went to fetch his guitar while I cleared our plates. We met up in his living room. The floor-to-ceiling window was open, giving a panoramic view of LA. Myriad lights twinkled in the city below, forming a backdrop to Axel as he stood with his Martin D-18 slung across his chest.

He was so gorgeous a lump formed in my throat. I swallowed hard. His fingers strummed and his deep melodic voice launched into the song. Wow! It was about me, about us. My lower lip trembled as he sang the words at the end.

I wanna be the crack in your sidewalk

Tread on me, tread on me, tread on me.

Baby, I’m sorry

So. Fucking. Sorry.

I’ll be your harbor in the storm

I’ll prove to you I can reform

I say that I love you.Without warning, my eyes teared-up. This was so freaking hard. The song was everything. Axel was everything. My heart pumped so fast that blood rushed in my ears. “Thank you,” I choked out. “That was beautiful.”

He gazed down at the guitar pick in his hand, and he looked so lost I wanted to wrap my arms around his waist and soothe him.

He rested his Martin D-18 on the coffee table. “Time to talk about us.” He indicated toward the sofa.

Heart thudding, I sat on the plush cushions, drew my eyebrows together and decided to give voice to my thoughts. “You promised me you’d stay clean of drugs and then you destroyed my trust in you.”

His chin quivered and he got down on his knees in front of me. “Please, Firebird. Give me another chance.”

I gazed at him, at this broken, beautiful man. My insides ached with love, and I remembered Mom’s words that if you truly loved someone you put them first.

We stared at each other for a long moment.

Tears streamed down my face.

“Don’t cry, baby,” he begged, looking up at me.

I wanted to reach down and touch him, but fear stopped me.

Breathe, Phoenix, Breathe.

“I’m so fucking sorry.” He stretched his hands toward me. “You’re my life. My world. Without you I’m nothing.”

Oh, my God, now he’s crying…

The pain on his face and the growl of anguish escaping from his throat were freaking killing me. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough to cope with you going off the rails again, Axel.” I finally reached down and laced my fingers through his. “I love you so much. I want to put you first. But I’m so fucking scared you’ll slip up and I wouldn’t be able to handle that.”

“I swear to you I will be clean of drugs for the rest of my life. I will never, ever, let you down again. This past month without you has been pure fucking hell.” He pulled in a sharp breath and closed his eyes. “How could I have put what we had together at risk for a stupid hit?”

I shuffled off the sofa and kneeled before him. I touched his face, smoothing my fingers over his close-cropped beard, wiping the tears from his cheeks. “You made a mistake, honey. For your family’s sake and mine, you must fight your demons and stay in control.”

He blinked his eyes open. “I promise I’ll do that, baby.” His chest rose and fell. “Promise me you won’t leave me?”

“I promise,” I smiled. “There is one thing…”

“Oh?” His brow wrinkled.

“Jake told me Vanilla Sky are looking for a new lead singer.” My stomach tensed. “You know my contract expires as soon as the album is finished?”

“Yeah.” He cocked his head to the side. “I was going to ask the band if you could be made permanent. Share the lead singer role with me.”

I pulled back slightly and looked deep into his eyes. “That wouldn’t work. ChiMera is the four of you. I would change the dynamics, even if the guys agreed.” I sucked in a breath and released it. “I need my own career.” I stroked his face again. “If Vanilla Sky don’t want me, I’ll try other bands.” Put Axel first. “Unless you really hate the idea.”

He caught his lip with his teeth. “Of course, they’ll want you.” His gaze ping-ponged around the room before it settled back on me. “They’ll need to tour the US to get established. I remember what that was like. It’s bloody grueling. Are you sure you’re up for it?”

---