Page 45 of Learning to Love

I am buzzing with excitement at seeing Ellie again, holding her in my arms, telling her how I felt, and this feeling buoyed me until Shanghai. There’s no place like home, and I've come to learn that home is wherever Ellie is.

But doubts drown my high. Maybe she found someone else already. Maybe she won't want to see me at all. Maybe I'm entitled, thinking I can slot straight back into her life and pick up where we left off.

I haven ‘t thought about what to tell her when I see her. In the best scenario, she just falls into my arms, tells me she loves me and that she's been waiting for me. In the worst scenario, she slams the door in my face.

It's evening, and the setting sun mottles colors in the harbor. Before I have a chance to process everything, I’m in Hillcrest, with its quiet tree-lined streets. Could I live here? There’s nothing keeping me City side. It’s not like I go out every night. Or every week. Or every month, even.

I park on Ellie and Tayla’s driveway. The lights are off in the front part of the house. Have they gone out? I haven’t prepared for this. What should I do next? Should I write an old-fashioned note and push it through the letterbox? Should I text her and tell her I want to see her? I turn to leave and catch a glimmer of light at the back of the house. My heart leaps. They must be in the garden.

I lock my car and walk towards the garden side gate. There’s laughter, some music … and is that a man’s voice? What the hell is going on? I’m torn between turning back to my car and running away like I always do. But a new feeling creeps through my chest—jealousy. Why are there guys here, and what are they doing? I walk faster and open the gate to a scene I hadn’t expected when I left Spain and abandoned the race.

It’s like I’m in a sit-com, and I’m the new arrival in town everyone stares at. I take a good look at everyone around the table. Some are familiar faces like Ellie, Tayla, Paddy and Gracie. Other faces are unfamiliar. I suspect the dark-haired girl is Corinne, but the guy next to Ellie gives me pause. Have I met him before? Is he one of their friends? I can’t place my finger on it, but maybe we've met. They’re all silent, staring at me with their mouths open, about to eat dinner, and I’ve just interrupted them. Great.

Ellie looks even more mouthwateringly beautiful than I remembered. My heart skips a beat.

Paddy recovers quickly and lets out a hearty laugh. “Well, I’ll be damned, if it isn’t the prodigal son. Hey cuz, good to see you back in one piece. Looking good. A bit on the light side, though.”

This is probably the worst-case scenario, one I hadn’t prepared for, where Ellie not only isn’t alone, but is surrounded by a bunch of clowns. And that chief clown, the dude by her side.

Tayla rolls the wine in her glass lazily. “Watcha doing?” Her voice is calm, but she’s lethal, that’s clear. "All swell?"

I look straight at Ellie. “Hey. Ah, I was hoping to speak to Ellie, maybe take her out for dinner … But you guys are already eating. Maybe I should come back another time.”

Ellie is agitated. I can’t read other people’s expressions, but I feel so in tune with her now, that I can tell broadly how she’s feeling.

Corinne gestures toward an empty chair. “Just get a chair and have a sausage sandwich. Lord knows you look like you need it.” More humor. Great. I’m being roasted mercilessly, but I guess I deserve it.

The guy next to Ellie laughs politely, as well, and my fist bunches. Gracie nudges Paddy, who notices the change in atmosphere and takes pity on me.

“Ellie, how about you take Daisy out foranotherwalk, and Sam here can make sure you’re safe?” I fervently give thanks to Paddy in my head. I’ll buy him the most expensive whisky I can get my hands on. I don’t know exactly what I’ll tell Ellie, but I know that I need a chance.

“Talk it out,” Gracie whispers, but loud enough for everyone to hear.

Ellie’s been silent so far. She looks at Tayla, who shakes her head in annoyance. She stands up, and her floor length summer dress flows around her. Without saying a word, she grabs Daisy’s lead and sets off towards the gate, Daisy hot on her heels. I follow suit, like a drowning man chasing a mermaid. Just being near her after being apart for nearly a month is everything. And not enough. I need to know. Will she give me another chance, or will she send me to hell?

***

Ellie

Sam looks different, somehow. His hair is shorter, and his body is leaner. He doesn’t seem nervous at all. He stood his ground as nearly everyone at the table had a go at him.

In my wildest dreams I hadn’t imagined him casually dropping by. Of course I’ve wondered what personal reasons brought him home. Maybe something happened to his family to make him leave the Round the World Ocean Race.

As we walk side by side with Daisy towards the park around the corner from my house, I steal glances at him. He's smartly dressed, and he's got a determination about him that I haven't seen before.

"Is your family well?" We enter the park and I let Daisy off the lead so she can have a sniff around the place.

Sam's surprised. He clearly wasn't expecting this question. "Yes, all well back home. Why do you ask?"

We get to a bench that's a bit out of the way, by the shrubbery towards the pond, and Sam gestures for me to sit.

I sit and search his face. "Why did you come back early from the Round the World Race then?" I brace myself for the answer, however painful it may be.

His gray eyes are stormy by now, and I can read many things in them. Need. Hope. Abandon. I let myself hope for the first time since I heard he quit the race.

"I think you know ... I came back for you." He picks up my hand, brings it to his lips, kissing my fingers one by one, and sending shivers down my spine.

"Why?" I just can't make sense of this. One moment he goes away, next moment he comes back, like passing ships through the night. I take my hand away.

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