Page 31 of Learning to Love

I kiss her hard. It’s like I’ve turned a corner. Ellie knows about Thea, and it’s not a dealbreaker. Maybe it’s not my fault. Maybe I was five, only a little bit older than Ellie’s preschoolers.

We walk back inside and start preparing lunch. It dawns on me that tomorrow Ellie goes back to her house, I go back to mine, and any time together will be confined to short spans. This fills me with dread.

The afternoon passes comfortably into the evening, and once again I'm impressed and proud at how well Ellie gets on with my family.

Sophie is fully out of her shell, and Tom told me they're trying for a baby. For a fleeting moment I wonder what Ellie would look like pregnant. Does she want children? She looks after children for a job, so maybe she doesn't want any of her own. Or maybe shedoeswant some.

Tom sidles up next to me and elbows my ribs. "Time for Cards Against Humanity, I think."

I’m jolted into the present and elbow him right back. "No fucking way, bro. We're not playing that with ourparents." I nod towards them.

"Of course not. They're going on a date. It's just the four of us." Tom winks.

"A date? Whatever next." My rolled eyes reveal my sarcasm.

Mum laughs. "It's just fish and chips on the beach, love."

Mum and Dad pack a picnic basket and leave for the fish and chip shop at sunset.

Ellie is impressed. "Goals, right there."

I’m impressed as well. They're in their 60s and still go on dates. Just being with one person forever seems huge. Making time, beingpresentfor them.

We spend a fun couple of hours playing Cards Against Humanity with Tom and Sophie.

I decide on the spot we should see them more often. "Guys, I know you lead busy lives but don't be strangers. You’re welcome to come up to Auckland for a long weekend and crash at mine. See some sights. Eat some food. Do touristy stuff."

My brother looks very pleased. It's the first time I've ever invited him to come stay with me in Auckland.

Sophie takes another sip of her wine and grins. "Definitely, my brother lives there as well. Plus some more shopping to be done in the big smoke. Right, Ellie?" Sophie and Ellie are thick as thieves.

It's been a long time since I've felt so relaxed. It’s so far away from my usual training all hours of the day, jetting around the world. It’s … appealing. It’s scary.

***

Ellie

We spend the final night of the trip mostly awake, savoring all remaining moments together. We make plans on what to do together next, how we’ll spend New Year’s, and beyond that.

Why does it always feel like he’s saying goodbye, every single time? Is it the nature of his work? Or is it because of what happened to Thea? More importantly, is it something I can live with, this uncertainty of him coming back?

The morning light finds us embraced, unwilling to let go. After breakfast, Tom and Steve help Sam load up the car.

I say my farewells to Joan and Sophie. “It’s been a pleasure, and I hope to see you again very soon. Maybe you can come up to Auckland.” They seem pleased with my invitation and take turns to hug me.

“See you later, bro. Take care.” Tom hugs Sam and pats him on the back. Joan and Steve embrace Sam wordlessly, with tears in their eyes.

On the road, Sam is quieter than usual. His lips set, his eyes covered by sunglasses, he looks like he’s in one of his sailing races, fight or flight mode activated.

I put a hand on his leg. “Everything alright? Do you want me to take over, while you rest a bit?”

He glances at me briefly. “All good. Just thinking.”

Oh boy. I can tell this is going to be one of those conversations where I talk my head off, and he’ll barely say anything.

I pull my hand off his leg and look out the window. “From tomorrow until New Year’s Eve, I have to go to work. The kids will be very excited, they’ll tell me all about Christmas.”

Sam nods.

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