Page 32 of Learning to Love

“What do you have on this week?” I work hard to coax him out of silence.

He sighs. “Some meetings. Some press calls. Then more meetings. Maybe I can squeeze in a training day with Corey before next year.” He runs his fingers through his hair impatiently. “When do I see you next? New Year’s Eve?”

I squeeze his thigh. “You can come by any evening, stay over. You know that. Tayla doesn’t mind.”

He takes off his sunglasses, and glances at me again. Something’s really bugging him. “I was thinking … you could come stay at mine. Look after the house when I’m away, that sort of stuff.”

That’s not the least romantic thing I’ve heard in my life, but it’s definitely up there. The worst part of it is he probably can’t even tell his suggest has ticked me off by looking at me. “Water the palms? Mow the lawn? Keep things clean? That sort of stuff?” My body is tense and my words short, clipped.

He lowers his shades and stares at me like I’ve grown another—no, two other—heads. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re such a dick, Sam. Suuuuch a dick. What you want is a housekeeper.” I’m annoyed by this point. I have a vision of him gallivanting around while I’m chained to an old-fashioned stove. Left behind, just like when my parents upped-sticks and moved all of us to the middle of nowhere Matakana. I know I’m being unfair because he’s not really asking me to be his maid. I don’t care.

Sam looks flustered. It’s probably not the reaction he was expecting, and he is retreating into his shell. “I’m sorry, I … it came out the wrong way." He's trying to choose his words carefully. "Corey would have said the right thing." His voice trails off.

Why even drag Corey into this. I’m getting unbearably hot in anger, and I put the window down. "Fuck Corey. This is aboutus." We're in his car, on a four hour journey, arguing. Just my luck. Out the window the landscape is passing by at speed, changing from jaunty volcanic hills, to corn fields, to tidy market gardens.

"I thought that … you could be there when I come home. All the time." Sam's soft words make me really look at him.

"… that I wouldn't have to miss you like crazy. Like I do." He picks up my hand. "That you could be an even bigger part of my life." Sam kisses my hand, sending shivers through me. Just like that, I stand no chance.

I turn into a puddle of goo. "What about Daisy? I can't leave her behind." My first thought is to my sweet girl who's been with me through thick and thin.

"Daisy can come as well. She's stayed overnight several times now. She's used to the place." Sam's feeling more confident now.

Another thought crosses my mind, and I sigh. "What about Tayla? I can't leave her alone. She needs me."

Sam, ever patient, finds solutions. "We'll help Tayla find another flatmate, to straighten out with the rent costs, and provide good company."

I lean back in my seat. "It's settled then. Maybe I can move in February?"

He lets out an exasperated laugh. "No fucking way. Tonight."

He's surely kidding. I can't possibly pack up everything I own and just leave with Daisy.

"It's not fair on Tayla. Plus, I need to pack all my stuff."

He rolls his gray eyes at me. "How long do you need?"

"Make it after New Year's, that long weekend. At least I won't need to go to work, and I can unpack, get Daisy settled."

He sighs, but deep down he knows I'm right.

We spend the time left to my parents' house chatting about the move, things to do in Bella Vista, how long the new commute to my work will be, and dog friendly cafés in the area. Deep within me lay lingering doubts, and a fear of being left behind. Again.

"What doyou mean you're leaving? What a load of bollocks, Ellie. You've only been dating since September. What's next? Are you going to marry him in March?" Tayla has been outraged since I came back home. The presents I got her from O'Neill's Bay haven't managed to soothe her sensibilities in the slightest.

"Calm down, dear." My tongue in cheek comment fans the flames.

"No,youcalm down." Tayla is pacing around the lounge like a pink-maned lioness. "You're moving too fast, Ellie. Search your heart. He's going to leave you behind alone in that fancy house in Bella Vista and traipse off as usual. Are you even into him, or are you just glad someone’s sticking around?"

Tears color my cheeks.

Tayla notices, stops her pacing, and embraces me. "Oh, Ellie, I'm sorry. I just care too much about you. I don't want you to get your heart broken." The unspoken words "like me" hang between us. Tayla has had her fair share of douche canoes. That doesn't mean Sam is one of them.

"Tayla, I know you mean well, but please be happy for me. I found someone I love and who loves me back.”

She hugs me harder. "I am happy for you. Maybe a little jealous. I wish I met someone like that." Tayla winks at me, and we both laugh.

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