Ismena was beginning to get the idea.
"No..." Her eyes widened. "No, God no..." Heavens, God, no. She shook her head, hard.
"No..." Her voice trembled. Anything but this...
Blood dripped from his hands where his fangs were cutting himself. The wolf howled in misery inside him. The mountain lion roared in agony inside him.
His tone was hoarse when he spoke again. "I was too drugged when I saw my ten-year-old sister again after months. Months...of hearing her scream almost all the time. Even drugged to the point of overdose, I can still remember seeing her again in her mortal form when they dragged herin and locked the cage. The terror in her eyes...but at the same time, the trust in those brown-eyes too."
"No. No...please..." Tears flowed freely from her eyes. She can't hear more. God, she doesn't want to hear this.
"She was close to breaking point, I could see it in her eyes on that day." He swallowed to wet his throat again. "I was overdosed, and on that day I was almost sure that the excruciating pain will be the death of me. The pain was too much, Ismena."
He raised his hands and looked at his bloodied palms. The hands he'd dragged and devoured his sister with.
His head was filled with the memories of that day...
The day he raped his own baby sister.
The day he broke Aila.
The day he killed Nalaila.
Over the months, he'd heard Aila scream so much, the sound of it were imprinted in his tortured mind forever. But the sound of her screams on that day were different.
More agonizing. She pleaded with him. Struggled to escape from his arms while he tore her apart from the inside out.
Even in his feral mind, those moments were imprinted in his mind. The moments that damaged him forever.
A soft feather-like touch on his arm jerked him out of that dark vortex of nightmare back to the harsh realities that are his life.
"Wolfaraine..." She whispered behind him. Her voice tearful, he doesn't need to look behind to know that she is crying.
Voice dead and toneless, he whispered, "I hurt her badly, Ismena. I failed Nalaila in every sense of that word.
CHAPTER 40. ISMENA'S RESOLVE.
Ismena has never heard such pain reflected in another person's voice before. It made her heart tighten further in her chest like someone was squeezing hard on it and refused to let go. "I'm so sorry, Wolfaraine... It wasn't your—"
"No. Do not think about telling me that it is not my fault Ismena." Looking away from his bloody hands, he focused his gaze out of the window, "That lie does nothing for me. That lie does not change that I failed my sister, Nalaila, in every sense of the word."
She'd thought it was a mistake that he'd mentioned that name before, but now she knows for sure that it wasn't a mistake. So, Nalaila is his sister...?
Aila. Nalaila. Of course.
Now, she felt very guilty for even feeling remotely jealous the few times that name came up. His unusual reactions at the mention of that name finally made sense.
"So, you see why I hate humans so much?" His tone hard, "I cannot unhate your kind, Ismena. I do not know how to."
Oh, yes, she understands. It hurts but she does understand. Ismena cannot imagine herself going through half of what he went through. And her hand was still placed on his shoulder.
She didn't let go. "What happened...after?"
A shake of his head. "As you know, changeling's bodies are all about compatibility. A changeling male can only impregnate their mates because that is the only person his body is compatible with." He swallowed, "But what a few of us only knows as rumors and baseless theories is that it's possible for pregnancy to occur among relatives, because of compatibilities too."
Ismena froze. "Nalaila... Did she g-get pregnant?"
The tensed silence and no reaction from him caused her heart to come up to her throat...and more tears welled up her eyes.