Page 15 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

Relief floods through me as the tapefinallysnaps enough that I can squeeze one arm out before tearing the tape the rest of the way off. Finally free, I’m now faced with a door that’s surely locked down tight, but before that… are there any weapons in here?

Clearly, they weren’t planning on me getting loose and had thrown me in here momentarily, because the room isn’t as empty as I’d assume a torture chamber would be. There are cupboards and countertops and while they’re mostly empty, telling me this room isn’t used often, I do find that there’s abathroom connected to it. And in the bathroom is an aerosol can sitting above the toilet. I grab that and then snatch up the ceramic lid to the toilet. I carry both out with me as I sneak my way over to the door.

I decide I’ll spray first, and as they’re reeling back, I’ll go in for a swing and hit them right in the face.

I can do this. I can do this quite well. Yep. Spray and then hit. Spray and then hit.

My heart is beating out of my chest as I press my body against the wall, waiting for the door to open.

What if I fuck up? What if it doesn’t even spray?

I give it a little spritz to make sure the can even works.

The smellimmediatelysmacks me right in the face, making me sneeze just as the door swings open, and it’s my moment to shine. I’m so busy caught up in a sneeze that I just start spraying wildly.

“Motherfucker!” a man yells, reeling back as I grab for the ceramic lid.

“Fuck! Stop! It’s me!” Tavish shouts, which just means that I put a bit more oomph into the swing that collides with his gut, making him stagger back as I drop the lid, slip out the door and take off running.

“You… asshole!” he growls as he races after me. Like it was A-okay for him to drag me off to fucking nowhere and not okay for me to spray him with bathroom spray!

He gets in close, so I spray him in the face again, causing it to go right into his open mouth. He starts gagging and coughing as tears stream from his watery eyes, andstillhe chases after me.

Quickly, I rush down the hallway until I hear someone heading our way. Anxiety eating into me, I slip through a door and am furious when Tavish follows me. Especially when I realize that it’s practically a cupboard that I’ve stuffed myself in with this man whoreeksof bathroom spray now that I’ve usedthe entire can on his face. He slams the door shut, closing me inside with him.

“There’s a fucking… mop jabbing me in the ass,” he grumbles. “Scoot over.”

“I don’t want a mop jabbing me in the ass. Weirdly enough, I also didn’t want to get abducted, thrown in a car, dragged off to who knows where and beat up! You deal with it. I hope it fucking jabs you hard.”

He shoves me, and because I’m more preoccupied cradling my empty spray can to my chest, I’m easily pushed over.

“I’ve decided to become a murderer, just so I can get rid of you,” I hiss.

“You don’t have the balls.”

“Oh, but an hour ago you were adamant I was off killing people!”

“I’m easily swayed by money. That guy simply had more money than you. And the information I was given really did make you seem like the killer!”

“I wish I had more spray,” I growl, regretting not saving more for his face even though I’m already trying not to choke to death in this small closet.

“I’m sorry I messed up, alright? You can’t fathom the number of killers who try to pretend they’re not!”

The noise outside becomes louder as I quickly quiet down, left to deal with this obnoxious man in my space. I wouldn’t be here right now if it weren’t for him. I would be off… sitting at home alone… but it would be significantly better than this bullshit!

“What the hell is that smell?” one of the guys mutters.

“Fuck if I know… it seems to be originating from this closet.”

While the closet is rather dark, I can still feel Tavish’s eyes boring into me. I mean… maybe I did lead them right to us withthe abundance of scent… but… it’s really not my fault that this asshole followed me in here!

The door opens and I chuck the can at the man who opened it, having no idea what else to do. It thwacks him right between the eyes, making his head snap back, and just as he starts to recover, Tavish whips the frisky broom out and smashes the guy in the head with it before throwing it like a javelin at the other guy. And while he deals with all of that, I scuttle down the hallway, positive that’s his issue to deal with. Karma’s a bitch and all that.

And with that, I slip right into a room, hoping no one noticed which one. When I see a window, relief washes through me as I hurry over to it. I’m not quite sure what I’m going to do when I’m outside, but it has to be better than beinginside. It’s also still dark out, so they probably can’t see me if I’m off running through the night until someone can rescue me or I can learn how to drive a boat.

Which would be the ultimate plan if the window would open.

“You’re not getting through that window.”

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