Page 16 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

I jump and look over at Tavish leaning against the doorframe. I can’t tell if he’s leaning there in an “I’m so cocky” way or if he’s leaning in an “I’m bleeding out” way.

Either way, it doesn’t pertain to meat all,so I look for another weapon to use against him.

“Leave or I’m gonna… I’m gonna…”

I look around for what “I’m gonna” do. I snatch up the first thing I can find, which happens to be a magazine.

“Spank me?” he asks, like he’s not fully against the idea.

“No! I’m going to… uhh… kick you in the nuts.”

“Why?” he asks, like he could possibly be uncertain why I dislike him.

“WHY?” I hiss. “Look around and take a guess why.”

He actually looks around and I realize that I’ve been abducted by the world’s most ridiculous man.

Nope. No, it’s okay. It’s all okay, I’m just going to take a deep breath and get out of here. I will swim if I have to… unless there are sharks.

“Are there sharks?”

“In my pants?”

“What?”

“You were talking about kicking me in the nuts and now sharks. There’s an anaconda but not a shark, if you get me.” Then he winks at me while looking half dead with his watery red eyes, and I’m unsure whether he thought that was going to be attractive.

A noise draws my attention, and I hurry over to the only door in the room besides the one I’d entered through, deciding that if the first closet situation wasn’t enough, a second would be better. Second time’s a charm and all that, right? This one is even more snug, but I cram in anyway.

“Are you going to scoot over or should I just sit on your lap?” Tavish asks.

“No! Go find a different closet.”

“I actually found this closet first,” he says as I hear someone coming. He crams me in farther and sits down on my lap before pulling the door shut.

“Why are you on my lap?”

“Do you want me to sit on your face? There’s no fucking room in here.”

“Go find a different closet.”

“You sure like to complain.”

I gape at him. “Which part of you abducting me and dragging me off to Murder Island isn’t worthy of complaining over?”

“I’m starting to see your point,” he says.

“Starting to?” I ask as I hear someone get closer. His ass bones are digging into my leg and he has this weird aroma of bathroom spray mixed with blood. I want to tell him to move, but the guy outside the closet is far too close and could hear us if we bump intoanything.So that’s how I get stuck cradling the man I want to spit curses at.

“Hey,” the man says as he enters the room and I freeze, wondering if there are actually two of them, but he replies without another speaking, making me realize that he’s on the phone.

Phone? If I could get his phone, I could call…someone. Like… the police, right? They’d save me… maybe. Whose jurisdiction is some sketchy rich man’s private island?

“What are you wearing?” he asks as I grow increasingly confused. “Ooh, pink panties… color me interested.”

“I’m just going to shoot him,” Tavish whispers.

“Shhh,” I hiss.

---