Page 44 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

Jackson sighs. “I’m just going to live up here. I’ve decided this.”

“Husband, nooooooo. See, the first time we met, you had no one there for you, but this time… I’m right here. Let me be your support. Let me be the one who unhooks your pants,” I say. “Will you open your heart up enough to allow me to save you… from the fence?”

“This is beyond embarrassing.”

I smile before leaning in to kiss him. “There’s nothing embarrassing about it. Now hoist that fine booty up so I can help.”

He grabs the top of the fence and pulls himself up so I can get his pants unsnagged. “Thank you. I’m just glad you didn’t stop to record this or something and just helped.”

I side-eye Cassel, who lowers his phone and looks the other way.

Once his pants are free, I hop down, and he follows me.

“Cassel, you should have seen the view up there. Jackson was right, it was definitely worth hanging around up there to get a good look at it.”

“That’s all that was happening?” Cassel asks. “Nothing else happened up there? Nothing pertaining to pants?”

“No, no, no. It was like a mating dance. He climbs the fence, I climb the fence, he gets his pants stuck, I come to the rescue.”

“Sounds weird and unnatural,” Cassel says. “You want the big guy or the guy over there pretending to be dead? I think he’s afraid I’ll tase him in the ass if he tries to get up… which I will.”

“Where is the big guy?”

“I tied him up,” he answers as he points to the middle of the runway where the big man is rolling around.

“We also need to get Bubblegum,” I say as I nod toward my gun.

“Oh, and Jeremy is out on duty so he can’t pick up Tavish and that other guy. I’ll just see if they can get a Lyft or something.”

“They could walk,” I suggest. “Tavish’s useless legs could definitely use some exercise. See, Jackson? You’re embarrassed but you could have legs as useless as his.”

Jackson just sighs, so I give his masked cheek a kiss.

FOURTEEN

ELLIS

“Well, looks like they can’t come get us right away. Any ride shares come out here?” Tavish asks the man who is watching us with much interest.

“Nope, not even the pizza man will wander into these parts. Although I’m afraid I have a thing or two to do with that,” the man holding the shovel says with a laugh. “After that one night with my wife, he could barely walk.”

One night of what? What the fuck happened?

Tavish holds the man’s phone out so I can see that he’s written something down that says: He’s totally a serial killer. He’s got serial killer eyes. He will likely take us to his home and try to dice us up or wear us. LOL.

What the fuck is the “LOL” for? And why does he keep adding laughing emojis to it? Like does he actually find any part of that funny?

I quickly grab the phone and type out: Do you have ammo?

Tavish takes it back and writes: Only these two guns.

And I watch as he flexes his arms.

What the fuck does any of that mean? Andwhy?

Slowly, I look over at the stranger who is just smiling for no damn reason at all. Maybe he thought of something cute… or funny. Or maybe he’s thinking about how he’s going to murder us. Like… I’m sure he’s a good guy. I’m sure he really is out… in the middle of this field… for a totally legit reason. And the shovel… he’s probably a farmer so he’s brought his shovel along for a walk… yeah… that one.

The man points off to his left. “But if you want to come back to my place, I have an ATV that I can use to take you over to the gas station that’s a few miles away. You can call yourself a Wuber, or whatever it’s called, from there.”

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