Page 43 of The Mercenary's Guide to Mishaps and Romance

“Shush, Cassel. My one true love reached a whole new milestone today. A fencey milestone,” I enthuse. “Baby, you did so good.”

“Thanks,” Jackson says as he just hovers there at the top.

“Likesogood.”

“Thanks,” he repeats.

“I’m really proud of you, honey, but you can come down. Come down so I can give you your ‘You did so motherfucking good’ kiss.”

“Yeah…”

Cassel and I stare up at Jackson who lets the guy’s pants flutter to the ground, but still, he doesn’t get down.

“I’m super proud of you, hon, but… I feel like maybe you shouldn’t stay at the top where you’re at risk. Like you’re really high up and…”

“I think his pants are stuck,” Cassel announces.

“They’re not stuck!” Jackson says as I realize that his hand is shuffling around a bit up there.

“His pants are totally stuck.” Cassel pulls out his phone and starts recording as Jackson tries to hide his faceandthe movement of his hand.

Oh no…

His pants…

Really are stuck.

“Cassel’s being a meanie. Your pants are totally not stuck, babe, but what do you think about me climbing up there just to see the view with you?” I have to protect my man in any way I can.

“NO, I’m fine. I’m just watching… things,” Jackson says.

“You’re such a good fence watcher,” I praise before leaning in to whisper. “Cassel, I’m a little embarrassed for him.”

“I would be too. Like do you think he pissed off a fence god in his past life and that’s why fences hate him?”

“You know… it’s a possibility,” I say. “Jackson, love. Big brave fence climber, I wanna climb this fence with you too. Climbing fences looks so fun that I totally want to climb a fence with you. It’s actually on my bucket list.”

Jackson shakes his head. “Leland, I really am just looking at the view. I really just… don’t need help.”

Cassel is grinning a bit too hard. “It’s just so sad, he’s already in the eight stages of grief.”

“I don’t… think there are eight stages,” I say.

“There are for him. Despair, ultra despair, embarrassment, and so on,” Cassel informs me, still recording.

I lower my voice so Jackson can’t hear. “Do you think you can zoom in a little so if he slips and his pants come off, we get a good booty shot?”

“Leland, you two better not be recording this,” Jackson growls.

“Husband, I’m here. Husband, it is I, other husband. I’m coming to see this ultra-awesome ‘view’ with you and definitely not to help you get unstuck from the fence.”

“I’m not stuck!”

“It’s so saaaad,” Cassel says.

I start climbing my way to the top. “Ooh, there is such a nice view, husband. I’ve never seen such a good view, husband. Thank you for asking me to come up here with you. Look! Our view is so good we can see the fools from the plane jumping in a vehicle and fucking off. We never would have gotten to see that if we weren’t up here.”

“No, I can totally see it from down here,” Cassel says. “And I’m not even as tall as you two are.”

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