Page 23 of The Silencer

I know who he is.I did a lot of research into Jacob and his family over the years.I haven’t seen Emmanuel before, and seeing him now has my body breaking out in a sweat.I begin to tremble, and my hands shake.

He looks so much like his father—the same broad shoulders, the same eyes.

He raises his hands as though he’s trying to tell me he’s here in peace.“I’m sorry,” he says softly, his voice nothing like his father’s.It’s not as rough or as deep as the voice that plagues my dreams.

“I’m really sorry for scaring you.I didn’t mean to.I just wanted to check up with you.”

I feel my brows knit together.“Why?”

“My dad was an asshole, Clodagh.I should have stopped him long before he hurt you and your family.”

I feel my breath catch in my throat at Emmanuel's words.My mind is reeling, trying to process what he's saying.He knew?He could have stopped it?

"You...you knew?"I manage to choke out, my voice barely above a whisper.

Emmanuel's face crumples with guilt."He hurt my ma, and he was a drunken asshole.I kicked him out of the house.I wanted to kill him long before that.I was going to, but it was too late."

I feel anger bubbling up inside me, mixing with the fear."You could have stopped him?"I ask, my voice shaking."You could have saved them?"

He nods, looking down at his feet."I know.I'll regret that for the rest of my life.I’m sorry."

I want to scream at him, to hit him, to make him feel even a fraction of the pain I've endured.But I'm frozen, unable to move or speak.

"I'm not asking for forgiveness," Emmanuel continues."I don't deserve it.I just...I needed you to know how sorry I am.For everything."

I look at him, really look at him.Despite the resemblance to his father, I can see the differences now.The sadness in his eyes, the slump of his shoulders.He looks broken, haunted.

"Why now?"I ask."Why come to me after all this time?"

Emmanuel sighs."I've been racked with guilt for three years, Clodagh.I’m sorry.I was hoping that by seeing you, we could both heal from what happened.”

I laugh bitterly."You want to heal?You think an apology can heal what your father did?"

"No," he says quickly."No, I know it can't.Nothing can.But I thought...I hoped...maybe it could be a start for you."

I feel tears stinging my eyes and I blink them back furiously.I won't cry in front of him.

"I don't know what you want from me," I say, my voice hard."I can't forgive you.I can't forget what happened."

Emmanuel nods."I understand.I don't expect you to.I just...I needed you to know that I'm sorry.That if I could go back and change things, I would.In a heartbeat."

We stand there in silence for a long moment, the weight of everything unsaid hanging between us.

Finally, I take a deep breath."I can't forgive you," I repeat."But...I hear you.Your apology.I hear it."

He nods, his jaw set tight as he watches me for a beat.He turns to leave, then pauses."Clodagh?I know it doesn't change anything, but...I'm glad you survived.I'm glad you're okay."

Once he’s gone out of sight, tears start to fall from my eyes.God, what the hell was that?I was healing.I was slowly but surely healing, and now this?I don’t know what the hell to do now.

One thing’s for sure, that party is exactly where I need to be tonight.

My hands are shaking as I pull out my phone and text Lisa.

Me: I'm in for the party.What time?

Lisa: Yes!Starts at 9.I'll pick you up at 8:30?

I text back a thumbs up emoji then slip my phone back in my pocket.My mind is reeling from the encounter with Emmanuel.His words echo in my head: "I could have stopped him."The guilt, the apology, the revelation that he knew what kind of man his father was—it's all too much.

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